Ask HN: How do you find and choose a mental health therapist?

Asking here because I suspect some people in this community will have had similar experiences with therapists as I've had. I think that when the patient is a combination of intelligent, well-read, and defensive, it's very easy to look down at therapists with a bit of disdain and contept, rendering them ineffective.

I find this is particularly true when discussing things that get serious or dark: heavy trauma, suicide, addiction, things like that.

The vast majority of therapists are IMHO out of their league/depth.

Cost has in my experience not been a good proxy for quality: expensive therapists are simply more capable jiving with the mores of the elites.

How do you find/choose/vet a therapist that works for you?