The philosopher who resisted despair

I've never found Camus uplifting. I don't find absurdism freeing.

I don't find life fundamentally absurd. I find a lot of meaning in the universe, via science. I use science to make the lives of people around me better.

That means despair, not because of anything existential but because there are others who want to make life worse. I refuse to take comfort in the commonality of our suffering. I am angry, and I will remain angry. To do less is, for me, to be less than human.

I despair because I used to think that I could bring people together and make life mutually better. I still don't know how to cope with the fact that other people want my life to be worse. It's the cruelty of other human beings, not the cruelty of the uncaring universe, that I hate.

I would give up caring if I could, but I can't. It's not in me.