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Comment by apinstein | Hacker News Reader

I remember reading about this girl years ago. Like some of the other commenters I wasn't that surprised about her MSFT certification. I mean even a 10-year old can geek out on that kind of stuff, it wasn't that notable.

However I just noticed this quote from her, which is so much more remarkable for a 10-year old:

"If you want to do something big in your life, you must remember that shyness is only the mind," she said. "If you think shy, you act shy. If you think confident you act confident. Therefore never let shyness conquer your mind."

To me that's the amazing part of her story, and something she can teach others about forever.

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When I was young (8-9 years old) everyone - peers, teachers, and parents - told me to stop being so outspoken. "Think before you speak" was drilled into me for years, continuously. It was probably the worst advice I have ever received.

"Think before you speak" is always good advice. The "confidence of the mind" referred above does not mean that you should shit out everything that pops in your head.

Ah, but the question is, are you saying something stupid, or something actually quite intelligent that other people just don't want to hear? The latter tends to attract even more hostility than the former.

And neither have anything to do with shyness. "Think before you speak" is still very important advice, and then if you prefer to not raise hostility, do it because you chose so not because of shyness.

"Think before you speak" makes it very difficult to hold a normal conversation. Of course I'm not anti-thinking but it's very difficult to express yourself (in most media, but especially talking) if you hesitate constantly.

If you're having trouble speaking well, the solution probably isn't to speak slower, but to learn over time how to speak better at-speed.

> "Of course I'm not anti-thinking but it's very difficult to express yourself (in most media, but especially talking) if you hesitate constantly."

I vehemently disagree - some of my most respected people in life pause frequently while speaking, and will directly ask for a moment when questioned about something, to collect their thoughts. I give these people's words incredible weight in my life not just because I respect them as people, but knowing that what they're telling me is well considered instead of knee-jerk.

I think the social expectation of having an answer at the drop of a hat on anything is pretty unfortunate, and makes us all a little bit dumber.

That's why I like to type my responses, because they don't see it anyway until I press enter or whatever.

> having an answer at the drop of a hat on anything

I don't mean in a debate, or even being asked a question. I just mean having a conversation, small talk etc.

> "Think before you speak" is always good advice.

It certainly depends on the age and the personality of the receiver.

It's a terrible advice to give to a kid or a teenager, or to someone who is trying to overcome their lack of confidence.

"Think before you give an answer" is a much more sensitive and universal advice.

I completely agree. I was told the same and was seen as mature by elders for being pensive and quiet. It's difficult to reverse it to favor our true nature, which is what we excel at.

The biggest tribute you can make to someone's life, like hers, is to take a moment to reflect, heed their advice, and incorporate it into your own. That's the stuff they would most like to see.

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