Hacker News Reader

Comment by theragra | Hacker News Reader

If there are less cases of abuse than among generic populace, it is weird to blame the movement. From the article, it is hard to understand that EA is somehow worse than most of the USA.

Also, arguments for polyamory are just that, arguments. You certainly can press someone into it, but from the article, the impression that it is more like persuasion.

Regarding cult dynamics - any tight knit community feels like this. Be it psychedelics users, health nuts, athletes etc etc. All of these will have takes that outsiders will consider unusual and weird.

View on HN

> but from the article, the impression that it is more like persuasion.

Okay -- but if you showed up to a tech conference, and someone in the hallway was trying to "persuade" you to join a threesome, would you feel that was appropriate for the setting? The issue is that so much of this relationship-and-sex talk is happening to people who didn't think they had signed up for it. That's where you start verging on abuse.

I think part of the issue is that EA is:

- kind of life-defining by nature

- filled with people who seek self-improvement

- filled with people who are excellent persuaders

With that mix, it is uncomfortably easy to start "mixing business with pleasure," so to speak. People in that environment think that they live a really interesting and good life, and want to convince others of that fact.

That's why people are blaming the movement, I think.

Having been part of the rat/EA community in the bay area for over a decade I can 100% confirm that the incidence of weird sex stuff happening is far far above of the baseline I've experienced with other groups of people, and i tend to keep odd company.

Not some sort of scientific study but also the only set of people where I've been casually asked if I wanted a prostate massage at a house party. The norms around here just hit different.

I'm not mad about it, and I think I've personally never felt harassed and in general there seems to be a very explicit consent culture, but also weird sex stuff is so normalized that it must be easier for bad actors, especially clever ones to get away with abusive behavior.

Off topic: Your photogrammetry project is really cool!

> arguments for polyamory are just that, arguments

Which have nothing whatever to do with effective altruism. So it's perfectly reasonable for a person who came to a gathering expecting to talk about effective altruism, to be uncomfortable, to say the least, when she finds herself getting proselytized about polyamory.

It’s never who you want to be polyamorous who’s polyamorous.

Correction: The people you want to be polyamorous don’t need to go around recruiting partners.

I agree in principle, but isn't it like this often for any activity?

People talk, sometimes about sensitive or offensive topics. RN, i encounter people around me that have very strong opinions about war in Ukraine. Sometimes it comes to direct insults, and while this is unfortunate, i won't say some group is responsible. Specific person is responsible for their actions.

Arguments for polyamory are also regarded as grossly unprofessional in any environment that's focused on a specific goal. Most people don't want to be goaded by strangers into "arguing" about their relationship status. It's abusive.

Yeah but the woman interviewed wasn’t saying men in Sam Francisco kept asking her to be in their polycule she said men in EA groups kept asking her to be in their polycule

I mean nobody has ever asked me to be in their polycule or anyone else I know so multiple times per year from people in these EA discussion groups is statistically significant and is pretty creepy

> You certainly can press someone into it

You’re not supposed to persuade people into any arrangement that lets you access their bodies unless they explicitly indicated that they are open to being persuaded, and especially not when they are being flown over for what’s supposed to be a job interview, or any form of meeting up with the promise of an academic or a professional collaboration.

> but from the article, the impression that it is more like persuasion

Sorry but you don’t know that, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who does not get that impression either.

There are enough comments in this entire thread about how people believe things only to justify the terrible things that they do.

> If there are less cases of abuse than among generic populace

Where are you getting this?

They might be saying that this is a series of anecdotes, not a scientific study, so we don’t know.

Does anyone think there are teams of scientists going around documenting the number of sexual abuse cases in every community? Pretty much what we get are anecdotes. And the correct comparison here is not “society at large” but rather, comparable professional organizations or interest groups.

Of course these dipshits needed to be polyamorous their little community was like 70% dudes, their clearly wasn't enough pussy to go around. Of course, this would cause more problems than it solved - having been in a poly relationship before I can tell you firsthand that the number of issues in the relationship scale n! for n people involved in the relationship.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com