Ask HN: Should we be asking 'how did you sleep' vs. 'how are you'? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Should we be asking 'how did you sleep' vs. 'how are you'?

9 pointspalidanx20 comments

In some sleep podcast (sorry I can't remember the source), I heard a guest saying it is more illuminating to ask people 'how did you sleep', vs the generic greeting 'how are you'.

I think this would be interesting but might be a really personal question

View on HN

How did you sleep is a great question to understand how someone is, it’s one of the first things I ask myself when I wake up. I then get a more quantitive answer from my Oura ring. That then helps me plan what is achievable that day.

BUT, “how are you?” is almost always a Phatic Expression[0], especially in cases where it could be considered a generic greeting.

Phatic Expressions seem to be more important to some cultures than others. For example, in Australia it’s such a fundamental greeting it often trips people up[2]. In this case the question is not a genuine or sincere inquiry into you current state, but rather a request to acknowledge the presence of each other.

In that sense, “how did you sleep” would be such a curve ball unless among friends I think it would cause secondhand embarrassment.

Tom Scott did a great 3 min video[1] on this exact thing.

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phatic_expression [1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGnH0KAXhCw [2] https://www.unilodge.com.au/blog/g-day-mate-a-guide-to-aussi...

At least in USA/Canada, it is a greeting not intended to solicit any true information. This changes the question to a genuinely caring one, which is generally not the intent.

In Malay, the equivalent is "What news (do you bring)?" and the generic response is "good news". And if someone is not doing well, the response might be "things are alright".

But it's a bit more useful IMO because people can just say anything they like, e.g. "I got 2 hours of sleep last night!" or "I haven't had lunch. Want to eat together?"

When I lived in Costa Rica, I think they used to ask in Spanish, "¿Cómo amaneció?" [0] and then when I lived in Tanzania, they used to ask in Swahili, "Umeamkaje?" [1], which both roughly translate into "How did you sleep?" I believe.

[0]: https://forum.wordreference.com/threads/%C2%BFc%C3%B3mo-aman...

[1]: https://www.reddit.com/r/swahili/comments/ze6cj5/when_would_...

Agreed. How are you in American culture tends to not elicit any sort of personal information (i.e. think about how many times people say "good"). Something significantly more specific like 'how did you sleep' or 'what have you been thinking about" get to the essence of our original question of how the other person is.

It seems much more Thought-Provoking, for sure!

The Novelty alone would make me stop and think about my response. Or a similar lifestyle-probing question, like "How was your Dinner last night?"

For sure if it's a parent. I never had one good night of sleep since son was born, literally.

The first few years I was asked daily, "Jesus, are you ok?" when walking into work. Mine is 9 now and still wakes up to knock things over and turn every light in the house on at 5 am.

Whenever someone says they have an infant now, I tend to ask them if they're actually fine, lol. The first two years are rough, but it gets better fast.

Wow that can be tough. Mine is only 2.25 so I guess potentially it an last many years...

Counter point, 7 and 9 here, and they've slept through the nights every night, since they were both 3(ish), minus perhaps a night a year for each usually due to being sick or what-have-you.

I realize I'm lucky -- but perhaps you will be too!

Thanks, sounds good. Mine is particularly whiny so I don't have high hope...

I hear you brother. I saw every sunrise for 6 years.

Thanks, I'm happy that you managed to sleep better after those six years.

It's still not ideal. For example, 2 nights ago, one of my daughters woke us up at 11:30pm and the other at 5:30am. But at least they can play together while we lie in bed.

How’d you sleep ;) jk but seriously this would only sound reasonable before the hour of noon

Instead of "how are you?" I prefer "how are you feeling?"

sounds too personal and HR will probably won't like this question

> HR will probably won't like this question

... which greeting would HR like least?

"Comrade, how are you? Let's switch to private comms, so we can speak freely, my public key is <blahblah>."

free and lively discussion of wages, conditions, prospects of starting competing businesses etc ensures

Yes, it's a little invasive.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com