Sorry to hear about the troubles you described. I was glad to read at the end that you think of yourself as a happy person. It seems like you are doing your best and perhaps it's just a momentary pause before significant traction is found in this new parenting world for you.

I do have to say your description really covered the Jungian Ti-Fe dichotomy well, especially in the puzzle/logic--social/emotional-awareness--puzzle/logic yin-yang effect which is part of how that world of perspectives oscillates.

The little details you provided, like "library of behavior patterns" coupled directly with "deduction" seem like a very good fit in that model (or world of thought) indeed.

So if you are interested at all in personality type theory, or in the history of personality research, it might be interesting to read about, and doesn't come with any diagnoses attached. :-)

(And my apologies if this turns out to be any kind of helpful resource or answer for you, as hardcore puzzlers don't really tend to like that)

Wishing you all the best of luck--