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Comment by paleotrope | Hacker News Reader

I wonder if this is going to change with time. Most people of a certain age remember a time when answering the phone and talking to the other person was a social more. This is the social courtesy that telemarketers and scammers have been using for years now.

But there's another way. Just hang up on them. I know it's considered hostile but it's just an outdated social more at this point.

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I try to find this balance between recognizing the humanity of everyone I interact with and not allowing this respect to be an attack vector. Over time, I have shifted more towards ignoring salesman in front of a store, not replying to messages and hanging up on a call as being things I'm okay with doing. I don't always give courteous attention anymore. I'm fine with giving nothing ("ghosting" as the kids say) and only giving active rejection if it's really needed.

To your point, I think it will shift in a different way over time. Gen Z can't imagine hanging up on someone on the phone, they can't even imagine signaling to the other person they don't want to be on the call anymore (aka saying "goodbye"). But they don't end up on endless phone calls. They just never pick up the phone.

Have you ever been in young person's home when someone unexpectedly knocked at the door? It could be Tuesday afternoon and their whole body takes on this dread like they're realizing their life has suddenly turned into a slasher film.

I don't mean "kids these days are destroying society". They have other ways to connect than just showing up where someone lives. But I wouldn't start a business selling vacuum cleaners to the next generation of homemakers door-to-door.

The misanthrope in me has almost completely taken over when dealing with incoming sales calls, and I've almost completely abandoned the idea that anyone calling me to sell anything is worthy of the "humanity" label.

The moment it's clear they are selling something (it's usually pretty quick) the reply is "fuck off, never call this number again, and go fuck yourself" then I hang up and block the number. I only wish I could be vengeful in response and actually retaliate in some meaningful way to those that are particularly annoying or persistent.

The same applies to door-to-door sales people, moreso to door-to-door missionaries.

I’m not there yet but I get it. They’re taking something from you, your attention, and they’re trying to take more, your money. They hide behind social convention and you can’t retaliate in proportion.

Consider the return you’re getting by handing over your aggression to them. I don’t think you’re getting a good trade there. Saying “put me on your do not call list”, hanging up and blocking will have nearly the same benefit to your future but without the costs that the misanthrope brings.

You might like the book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. I found the book helpful to reframe disengaging with sales folks from:

Before: "I'm acting uncharitably by not reciprocating attention."

After: "I recognize this person is attempting to influence me. I'm choosing not to engage."

I read it when I was on a sales team. That period of my life may also have affected some of these beliefs...

I never pick up the phone if the caller isn't already in my contacts. They can leave a message and I may call back, or not. But the risk of being caught into a stupid sales call for a new energy supplier or some such is just too great.

> Just hang up on them

I prefer to leave them talking while I do more important things. Wasting their time is a better MO than anything.

I heard a fascinating idea somewhere... hang out while you are in mid-sentence.

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