Ask HN: How do I “institutionalize” myself? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: How do I “institutionalize” myself?

5 pointsspaceman_20208 comments

This might sound like a strange question, but I'm feeling increasingly isolated because of my lack of any institutional affinity.

I'm touching 35 and I've never had a job, colleagues, or core profession.

I've been freelancing since I was 17. I've dabbled in every kind of online trade imaginable, from domain names to crypto. I've built and sold multiple websites. I also built and sold a small agency. I'm doing okay financially.

I did go to college but spent most of my time working. I'm not in touch with any of my college classmates.

I've never had a job. I've never even set foot inside an office.

I've also switched industries multiple times. Most of the skills I know, I usually taught myself. I really can't say at this point what my core expertise is. I can do some marketing, some coding, some design, some sales, but I'm not particularly good at any of those in isolation.

This used to make me feel really good when I was in my 20s, but as I'm getting older, this lack of institutional belonging is becoming unnerving. The only friends I have - from school - will talk about colleagues and office and job titles, and I have no clue how to contextualize it.

I'm in the process of building a new business and the fact that I don't know what goes into hiring, onboarding, and building out processes for an employee freaks me out a little. I'm too old to not know the basics of employment.

I feel...unmoored, to put it one way.

I know I can't live out the rest of my life being this isolated, but I don't know how to break out of it.

The obvious option would be to get a job, but I live in a country with a very favorable exchange rate, and I know how to make money online in USD. Even if someone were to hire me with my rather blank resume, the pay would be nowhere near what I can make online.

Should I just bite the bullet and job hunt, even accepting lower pay than what I currently make?

An unfortunate coincidence is that "institutionalize" in U.S. English, when said of a person (rather than a practice or procedure), mainly means "commit to a mental hospital" (or a nursing home), so phrasing it this way sounds (at first read) like a question about how to be admitted to a mental hospital.

I might suggest "connect to the job market" or "connect to the normal economy" or "have a normal career" or "have a legible career" (slight social science jargon). Sorry those are more long-winded phrasings than your original version!

I'm aware of the other meaning. I spent my 20s believing that anyone who worked a normal job would have to be "insane" (and hence, "has been institutionalized"), and yet, here I am, wanting to do the same.

Do you want to do the same? Or do you just want the things you think would come from doing the same?

What problem are you really trying to solve? Not enough friends? Not enough friends that you can relate to?

Find a group of people who make their money the way you do. Find a group that plays ultimate frisbee. Join a gym. Join a ballroom dancing society. Join a church. Go to the same bar regularly. (Maybe not all of those - some combinations might not mix well.)

All I wanted was a Pepsi. Just one Pepsi. And she wouldn't give it to me.

I searched the half familiar sentence, and now I can't get it out of my head (although, it will go, within the hour) again.

I take some comfort that now and again even a colossal of HN will make mischievous remarks.

I don't see anything about happiness in what you wrote. Are you happy being a jack of all trades? If yes + financially stable = why change? You're not losing anything fundamental not knowing job titles and how office life is. In the end, one day, when a new business requires it from you, you're gonna learn about HR and all the other stuff you don't know just like you've learned all the rest.

Have you thought about finding others like you and start a collaboration, or at least check what are their feelings?

I don’t see why you need a job to learn how to employ people. Actually other than the interviews, you probably won’t learn anything of use. Instead learn what you need from courses, and maybe get coached by someone who has done it too. Or get a cofounder.

If you simply don’t want to be isolated how about working from a coworking space, or attend meetups with other entrepreneurs?

You're effectively a business owner of a 1-person business -- you can get involved with a local Chamber of Commerce or similar, and ask questions of other business owners as to how to hire etc.

For social needs, you can take classes at a local college or at a language school.

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