But it doesn’t have to be hard! The unlock or LPT I’ve found is that hosting a super simple small party- becoming the “organizer of people”- is the fastest, easiest way to become interesting to others.
After hosting hundreds of these small parties myself, I figured out a formula to make them effective, interesting, and ultimately successful. It is a method that can work for almost any person in any town.
First: the good news. ANYONE can learn how to make new friends. There are lots of people out there like you who are reading this HN thread or sitting in your town thinking, “Damn. I’m getting older, I have less friends, I wish I had more friends.”
But: the bad news. The macro trends on partying are down, and reports of loneliness are way up. Do a search for "loneliness epidemic" or "friendship recession," two phrases that I track with Google News Alerts, to see constant press pieces with supporting data showing people have way less friends and social interactions today than they did 10 years ago.
Here are the pro-tips if you want to host a well-run party or event or whatever:
- 15 to 20 attendees. You need 15 people, minimum, to show up to your party. Any less than that and the room never reaches a critical mass or energy level and excitement. It feels a little flat. I've found that 15 people needs to be your minimum, which means you'll need to invite more than 15 to actually get 15 to attend. Over 20 attendees and things get hectic and stressful for a new host.
- Collect RSVPs. PLEASE collect RSVPs. Use a free tool online. GenZ loves Partiful, I suggest and use Mixily, you can even use Paperless Post. Please don't use Evite because they have a thousand ads and JavaScript pop-up crap and they'll spam your guests.
Why should you collect RSVPs? Well, the biggest success indicator of a party- for a new host, at least- is whether they can fill the room. People come to parties for the PEOPLE, not for the drinks, not for the food, not for the music... they come for the people.
Here's what I know works. It all revolves around adding the slightest bit of structure to your gathering.
- Decide you’re going to host a party and commit to it.
- Pick a date for your party three weeks from now, ideally on a Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday night.
- Keep the length of your party to two hours.
- Invite your friends, colleagues, and neighbors.
- Ask everyone to RSVP and confirm their attendance.
- Space out three reminder messages leading up to your party.
At the party, do these four things:
1. Use name tags with first names only. I will die on the hill of why this is important.
2. Facilitate three quick icebreakers. They won't be cringe, I promise.
3. Take a group photo, you'll use this to help invite more people to your next party.
4. End the party on time. My book has a whole chapter on this or if you search for "How to end your party" I believe one of my articles will come up.
Follow those guidelines and you’ll have a gathering better than most. People appreciate the structure.
I wrote a step-by-step guidebook that seems to be generally well-liked enough that it has helped hundreds of people learn how to host their own events to make new friends and meet their neighbors.
The name of my book is The 2-Hour Cocktail Party: How to Build Big Relationships with Small Gatherings and you can find it anywhere books are sold plus Audible. Happy to give any HN readers a satisfaction guarantee if you don’t think it is packed with actionable, helpful advice.