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Comment by fdgsdfogijq | Hacker News Reader

I just took three weeks off and sat in my apartment. I was borderline close to quitting my job due to some sort of burn out. Prior to my vacation I had a discussion with my manager about what was causing me frustration. She took steps to fix and restructure my work to relieve stress. For instance, a more senior engineer was micromanaging me and it wasnt adding any value at all. She stopped him from doing that.

I came back from work and now I actually feel great.

But I literally did nothing on that time off. I just watched TV, hit the gym, slept.

You can recover/avoid from burnout if people at your job are willing to work with you to change the situation. The big issue is most people in a work relationship are not even capable of changing work patterns. They dont have the management skill to do it, and will have the conversation, but continue down the same path. Thats when you leave.

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> The big issue is most people in a work relationship are not even capable of changing work patterns

If only watching the entire Star Trek: The Next Generation series was part of the onboarding process. If you watch this show through a lens of how it applies back to real life and team dynamics it's as close as you can get to guaranteeing success.

Plenty of good clips of those floating around in my YouTube recommendations too.

Convert it into Star Wars and there maybe a chance, just kidding don't want to start a war.

Yeah my boss just turned it around on me.

And I guess he was right? I did have the power to change in that situation.

But it made asking for help kind of pointless.

I was already blaming myself.

This is turning into a pity party.

Eh.

Don't be so harsh on yourself.

It seems like your boss maybe didn't hear or properly understand you reaching out for help. It was a brave thing to do, since it shows vulnerability.

But don't be too harsh on your boss either (maybe! I don't know the full situation). I don't know the full situation, but it is possible that when you asked for help maybe he felt like you're complaining about him. So he got defensive. I know that sounds a bit immature, but everyone's a bit immature sometimes.

Also, instead of framing it as pity, think of it as having compassion and understanding for yourself instead. I know it's hard to reframe it if you have a long habit of negative self talk, though (been there done that, and I still sometimes end up there accidentally sometimes)

I’m more trying to push things past an ending these days.

Managers that do that are objectively shit managers. Sure, if your employee whines about every little thing expecting you to fix it all the time, turning it around on them is appropriate to foster some level of help-yourself capabity. But if your employee is selectively choosing to bring an issue to you as a request for assistance, turning it around on them is the same as 'fuck you, I'm not helping'. Bad manager. People don't quit jobs, they quit bosses. That is the kind of boss you might consider quitting, because they are poor at their job and do not have your back. In fact they are not even really listening to you.

And it's important to do what you did: talk to someone about it that can do something about it. I have a friend who'll complain to me, not to the people he works with & for. He's too shy for that and rationalizes it as "they wouldn't understand/wouldn't want to change anything/couldn't even change" and suffers while the people who define the processes he suffers from don't know.

It should be pointed out that, for some of us, talking to someone and hoping for change is the only option. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't have that much PTO, and taking 3 weeks of unpaid leave would financially destroy me. Trust me, I wish it were different, and a lot of people in my position either have to suffer through the burnout, or often end up changing jobs to try to deal with it.

100%, and it's terrible for those that can't simply talk to someone because of social phobias. In a perfect world, any manager worth their money makes sure that people are comfortable speaking about their issues, but in reality that's often not the case and if you struggle with assertiveness it can get very hard.

I think all too often you get so burned out that it doesn't really matter what changes it won't be enough. It's like when they offer you a 3% pay increase to stay when you give your two weeks, it's too little too late. I think it's the responsibility of a manager to keep their people from over working, they certainly have no problem saying something if you are under performing. If people are burning out it's the managers fault, it does the company no good to have a top resource out for several weeks because they had a nervous break down from over work.

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