You can describe any 2d shape using 3 dimensions, just imagine that it's set askew or bent. From the perspective of the inhabitant of such a flatland, it's undetectable and irrelevant. So is it from the perspective of the topology of the shape.
Describing the universe's shape is similarly done from within, so we can't see the outside and don't need any "outside" to see that the Universe is expanding. It's a description of how our 3d world is behaving, seen from within, and not relying on any "outside".
The word "expand" is not describing the exact same physical phenomenon as what we are used to seeing, because when we expand something, we typically cause it from the outside. That's why it can't be satisfying: it's a similar but different thing.