But even for people for whom that's not the case, you do not get to impose your morals on them. The idea of owing your parents anything more than you owe the rest of society is a nonsensical social construct that is thankfully dying out.
In your case, my comment likely does not apply as it sounds like you were abused horribly as a child, but the statement above is an extreme perspective to take generally, given that a person’s parent(s), typically at the least, provided them with some level of care when they were infants and young children. Of course, there are rare instances of horrible abuse, but it is not endemic. Also, one cannot even exist without parents, so we owe them at least that consideration versus a random person.
Most parents sacrificed some of their future to have children and ignoring that fact is usually (except in extreme cases) reflective of selfishness and self-absorption from the increasingly entitled populations of wealthy countries.
That's a choice they made, though (and usually for selfish reasons). It's like giving someone a gift and then getting upset when they don't pay you back for it.
That... is paying them back, though?
> It also sets a great example for your kids to consider if the day comes when you are old and in need.
That would be the selfish reasons I mentioned. I consider it unethical to expect this of one's children.
Deeming parenthood a "social construct" and deserving of no attention from the child is ... you must not have kids of your own. That is the only way to explain your current attitude.
I do not have children of my own, and don't plan to. I think you have the causation backwards, though: this is an effect of my unusual views on families and parenting, not a cause.
(Invariably, around this point, someone snarkily tells me it's a good thing I don't have kids. I unironically agree. Most people shouldn't, and I am very much in that group.)
I wish society didn't seem to be so quick to judge having kids as a negative thing.
I wish society didn't seem to be so quick to assume everyone would be happier with children. Some people legitimately are, but it is not a guarantee.
Had I not been born, I wouldn't know the difference, because I wouldn't exist. That I do exist now is irrelevant, because we're talking about a hypothetical universe where that's not the case. Not being born is a fundamentally different sort of thing than being alive and then dying. (If it wasn't, everyone who can physically have a child and isn't doing so right now would be committing murder.)
Everyone involved would've been objectively better off had I not been born. Both of my parents would have been happier. Everyone around them who had to deal with the fallout would be happier.
To be absolutely clear, this is not an expression of any sort of guilt on my part - I had no input into this terrible decision, and I take no responsibility for it. But any observer would have called it an obviously bad idea, if they didn't have to dance around the psychological and social implications of saying that within earshot of the child. One of the benefits of being an adult with a fully formed brain is that I can now look at such hypotheticals objectively, without conflating them with my own self-worth.
So my past, as terrible as it was, is a sunk cost. If I spontaneously died right now, it wouldn't undo any of that, nor make me or anyone else happier. The best I can do with the situation I am currently in is to keep living, and try not to repeat the mistakes of others.
> However, if it wasn't them, I'd be helping someone else in a similar position.
Exactly. I just skip to this part. Ignoring any sort of judgement of their actions, there are many people who need help far more than my parents do, and I'd sooner give money to them.
If my parents legitimately were the most in-need people I could find, I'd have some mental gymnastics to do to justify this, but that is not the case.
It’s not even imposing morals on you. The way you’re acting goes against the way humans have acted for thousands of years. To point out that you’re most likely wrong for making that decision shouldn’t be that controversial
in fact, at least in germany this responsibility is even law. if i were earning above my needs, and my parents were on social welfare, i would be legally obligated to support them. same goes for siblings and children, and possibly other close relatives.
so here society does impose its morals.
or, put differenly, i see it as me owing it to society to take care of my famyly by myself instead of relying on society to do it for me