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I’m very glad to read this, as I am feeling in a similar boat, and the strong impetus to move was getting close to suicide. Thankfully, I am making progress and I have committed to the changes, which lifts my spirits.

This comment is encouraging, thank you.

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Good luck. Perhaps useful to keep the Buddhist parable of the farmer in mind: https://donsnotes.com/religion/parables/buddhist-farmer.html

In short, it's hard to tell whether something that seems awful now might not turn out to be good in the long run.

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