And yet people get lambasted on twitter for suggesting that there is an undercurrent of narcissism when people obsess over pronouns.
> Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith.
The claim that enjoying to be asked about pronouns is a narcissistic trait is unfalsifiable at worst and unable to be worked out through dialog at best. We could say something about it through surveys and descriptive statistics, but that wouldn't form the basis of a causal relationship.
Instead, rhetorically, it's much easier to ask if there simply isn't an interpretation which doesn't assume the worst in people. Doing so reveals more about the commenter than it does about the topic and kindly suggesting a positive or at least neutral interpretation builds bridges of meaning instead of assuming an argument.
Am I operating in good faith if I ask everyone if they are Sunni or Shia for some ulterior motive, assuming they are Muslim? What about astrological signs? I'd argue not, but a similar thing happens when pronoun-talk occurs.
Whether someone finds salience in pronouns' mapping to "gender identity"—insofar as the concept is coherent—is largely a matter of worldview. Many, if not most people, only care about sex. The imposition of worldview here is what motivates the narcissism charge. That and the fact that most TRAs are narcissists, but it could be unrelated.
The word "defeatist", for example, has no particular political connotations now. But in Germany in 1917 it was a weapon, used by Ludendorff in a purge of those who favored a negotiated peace. At the start of World War II it was used extensively by Churchill and his supporters to silence their opponents. In 1940, any argument against Churchill's aggressive policy was "defeatist". Was it right or wrong? Ideally, no one got far enough to ask that.
We have such labels today, of course, quite a lot of them, from the all-purpose "inappropriate" to the dreaded "divisive." In any period, it should be easy to figure out what such labels are, simply by looking at what people call ideas they disagree with besides untrue. When a politician says his opponent is mistaken, that's a straightforward criticism, but when he attacks a statement as "divisive" or "racially insensitive" instead of arguing that it's false, we should start paying attention.
So another way to figure out which of our taboos future generations will laugh at is to start with the labels. Take a label — "sexist", for example — and try to think of some ideas that would be called that. Then for each ask, might this be true?
Just start listing ideas at random? Yes, because they won't really be random. The ideas that come to mind first will be the most plausible ones. They'll be things you've already noticed but didn't let yourself think."
Anyway - if you cannot steelman the "many people obsessed with pronouns are narcissists" phrase you are probably not the best person to ask other people to steelman anything.
If you can do it without being transphobic, I'd like to hear it.
proceeds to show exactly where they got it from
Apparently in your mind "obsessed with pronouns and wanting to be celebrated" automatically means trans people. You realize that other people use pronouns right? And you don't have to be trans to narcissistically obsess over them and insist on being celebrated.
I hope you're able to overcome your clear transphobia some day.
What I'm pointing out is that characterization is transphobic. Usually when people point out that a characterization is incorrect, they aren't accused of making that characterization themselves. Typically folks understand the difference and I expect you to as well.
This really isn't that hard. As I explained elsewhere, if you buy an iPhone that doesn't automatically make you an Apple fanboy. Likewise, if you're trans and you make it a point to use certain pronouns that doesn't make you a narcissist. I'm specifically calling out SOME people, not even trans people.
Some people absolutely do latch onto pronouns because it brings them attention. These are the people that want to be celebrated, because they're narcissists. I really can't make this any more clear that these are not just trans people. Do trans people tend to care more about pronouns? Sure. But that doesn't automatically mean they want to be celebrated for doing so.
In my experience trans people just want to be called by their preferred pronouns. They’re not obsessed with it. Most don’t care about being “celebrated” they just don’t want to be excluded or harassed.
I hope someday you examine your transphobia.
If I buy an iPhone it doesn’t automatically mean I’m obsessed with Apple and want to feel special because I bought an Apple product. That’s an additional step.
(Asking for Pronouns for practical usage makes more sense but that’s not for celebration)
You can choose to design your products to cater to feelings if you like. But that does not make it an ethical imperative to design your products so that no one feels a certain feeling.