Comment by superfrank | Hacker News Reader

Comment by superfrank | Hacker News Reader

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I'm a manager running two teams right now. The way I run my 1:1s I try and keep status updates out of them as much as possible. Like you said, "here's what I'm working on" type updates should be handled by Scrum. I still run 1:1s every two weeks with each one of my direct reports for a few reasons:

- There are some people who just won't speak up or request an ad-hoc 1-on-1 if something is wrong. It's just a personality thing. I can use this time to ask them about things and try and get them to open up. I have two people on my team where the world could be on fire and if I asked them how things were going they'd say "fine". Direct 1:1 time with them is super valuable for me to dig in a bit. - Especially now that we're remote 1:1s allow for us to handle a lot of little things that aren't super important all at once. "I don't understand how to submit and expense report even though I read the documentation". It doesn't make sense to have a specific meeting for that since it's going to take 5 minutes, let's just tackle it in the 1:1. - As my team has gotten bigger, a lot of my information starts to come through the same few people. I rely heavily on my project leads for updates which means everything is filtered through them. 1:1s give me a chance to hear other people's opinions on things without them being filtered. - I use this time to discuss career and personal goals. "What do you want to work on next?", "Here's a plan to line you up for a promotion next year". - I'm never going to force to chit chat about our lives if they don't want to, but I have multiple people on my team who want to have some sort of connection to the people they work with. There are some people who half our 1:1 is talking about travel or sports.

Honestly, my philosophy is our 1:1 is your (direct reports) time. You provide the agenda and you tell me what you need. If you want to cancel it every time, that's fine. If you want to spend 30 minutes talking about our weekends, that's also fine.

> If you want to cancel it every time, that's fine

I would amend this to "If they want to cancel it every time, that's fine".

I personally think its best to keep 1-1 availability as consistent as possible. Always be available to spend the time and avoid last minute changes to the meeting. The time is an opportunity for the direct report as well. If they want to cancel, that is fine. Same with whether they want to use the whole slot or only 5 minutes. Cancellations and changes from the manager side may throw plans askew since reports might be hanging onto something to unleash during the time.

Yep, sorry that's that I meant. Having managers who randomly moved or canceled 1:1s in the past, it's a major pet peeve of mine when managers just unilaterally cancel. Personally, I try to never cancel, but if my report wants to cancel, we'll it's their meeting and I get half an hour back :).

> ask them about things and try and get them to open up.

What kind of things do you ask them. wondering if you have some examples. Trying to get some ideas.

Do not ask. All you’ll get is “fine” or “alright”.

You have to open up first. Share what you’re comfortable with sharing. If you don’t share and make yourself vulnerable first, they will never open up. You have lower the risk for them.

Once you have established that rapport, then they’ll do it. Your report will mimic you based on how you run the meeting. It also has the advantage of making hard conversations easier.

It's hard for me to explain, getting people to open up is kind of something I've always been good at, but I think the best advice I can give is to be curious, a bit venerable, and ask open ended questions. Another trick I like is to kind of put words in their mouth and let them correct me (kind of like Cunningham's Law - https://meta.wikimedia.org/wiki/Cunningham%27s_Law)

So for example a conversation may go like this:

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Me: Hey, so you've been on project X for a month now. How are you feeling about it?

Report: It's good.

Me: I know this is the first time you're using Y technology. Are you finding the ramp up easy?

Report: Yeah. It's not too bad.

Me: That's great! I remember when I was working in that codebase it took me forever to understand Z component. What did you think of that?

Report: Oh, yeah. I worked in there, it was fine.

Me: Just fine? Is there anything we could do to make it easier for the next person we onboard?

Report: No, I don't think so.

Me: Oh, okay. Well I know Team Lead was looking into refactoring that code and updating the docs and she was looking for suggestions. If you're saying the component is good as it is, I might tell her that we should delay that until later this year.

Report: Well actually...

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Basically first I tried to relate to them a bit and share my experience. My hope is that if they are worried about looking dumb or incompetent in front of their peers, this defuses that

Second, I tried to ask something open ended. If they're just kind of on auto pilot, asking something that can't be answered with a yes/no answer can help shake them out of that.

Third, I put words in their mouth and just labeled them with an opinion they might or might not have. I don't love this one because it can feel a little manipulative, but I'm trying to get them to take a position and understand the consequences of not taking a position. It's kind of the equivalent of sending an email saying "I'm going to do X unless you tell me not to". At this point, either they agree with what you said and you can hold them to that or they have to give you an alternate opinion. Again, not my favorite tactic so I only use it on things that matter, but it works really well.

Another way of approaching that third attempt that feels a little less manipulative is "From my perspective it looks like XYZ. What do you think about that?"

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