Some people have it much worse than others, and it sounds like you have it bad. You're still a person and worthy of love and capable of change. There's no magic bullet, but you can't predict the future. Keep working at it, brother.
Yes, I keep trying everyday, as I have no alternative. I've seen things go south so many times so far in life with myself to blame that I have no faith in faith or good luck anymore. As someone once told me "I've seen Prison inmates less miserable than you". I wish you the best though!