Ask HN: Startup CEO wants to improve people skills, but how? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Startup CEO wants to improve people skills, but how?

9 pointsguywondering11 comments

I need your help. My new years resolution is to improve my people skills, but not sure how to go about it in an effective and authentic way.

Some background. I'm founder of a startup of 6 people (not profitable yet but getting there) Apart from team I have to pitch with investors, deal with customers, recruit folks, network with press and partners etc

I'm naturally introverted, and while I'm confident and proactive (eg I organize some groups for activities) I just can't seem to relax or establish natural friendships or relationships with people. I view that small talk stuff as difficult and sometimes seems fake, like a chore.

You could say I'm the sort of guy who's happiest at home playing Skyrim alone rather than out at drinks with friends.

My co-workers respect me but I doubt they like me nor do I really motivate them in their jobs (I see bored faces when I talk). Personal wise I don't have many close friends apart from my girlfriend. To be honest, it all brings me down sometimes.

I know they say focus on your strengths, but this year I genuinely want to make a change for the better in this area - to improve my personal happiness and relationships in social and work.

I'm a practical guy, any practical tips HNers?

Okay, I know this is going to sound really stupid/silly, but /r/seduction (http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction) has some interesting ideas on becoming more confident and stuff. Yea it's primarily focused on the whole 'pickup game' or whatever, but I think a lot of the things they talk about could help getting over any anxiety. Like one thing being to talk to everyone you can, like if you were in line waiting to checkout, in an elevator with random people, etc, the theory being that the more you do this the less awkward and nervous you'll feel about the whole experience. I've been trying to do this more lately (my anxiety is pretty bad) and i'm already finding it a bit easier to just strike up a conversation with people.

Find a meetup group (http://www.meetup.com) in your area. I did this a couple of years ago and made tons of new friends and brought myself out of my comfort zone.

I've met such a diverse group of people over the years that small talk has become much easier. This was always a problem for me in the past. I'm much more relaxed now when confronted with situations where I have to interact with people I don't know.

Like anything, it's just going to take practice. You can't read it in a book. You just need to go out there and do it.

thanks, actually i run a meetup group on unrelated topic. but still find it hard to relax and have natural friendships with people (feedback i get is that i am too serious, but its hard to just "lighten up")

What kind of meetups have you attended?

An improv class is a good start. See:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/BUSINESS/02/18/improvisation.busines...

If youd like I'd be happy to have a conversation with you about it. People are my specialty. I have a good set of engineering like tricks to keep up with folks and have a good conversation.

I would like to hear your tricks as well...

thanks, will email you separately, or if you have some tips for others reading feel free to share

Be yourself. You will grow as a leader over time regardless of your personality. Your success will, ultimately, be in your abilities to hire great people.

Groups of people make amazing things, not individuals.

Try "how to win friends and influence people". It's a cliche but it really works.

thanks, read the book a long time ago but guess time to brush up and try and put into practice..

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