It definitely seems this is simply, not sustainable long-term, and I fooled myself into thinking it was. I guess it is what it is, I tried saving up money, I really tried!

Anyhow, I probably should've specified that I dropped out of CS during my freshman year of college some years ago. I'm not like most people in HN who dropped out of CS to work/start a company. I'm a "true" dropout, if you will... Thanks for your offer for help, but I have no skills nor experience to show for it, and I have a 2 year technical degree and work in a whole other industry (Logistics). I don't know if to try to picking it up again after failing so bad it.

As you can imagine, my life choices have been so far very bad, and I've been dealing with a lot of regret. To each their own, I guess.