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there is a kind of "spooky action at a distance" that can happen> This is the bit I can't grasp
OK. Let me give you a collection of statements, each of which I can expand on, but which might give you a sense of the problem.
* Instead of colouring regions in a map we can colour vertices of a graph;
(put a vertex in each region and connect vertices if their regions share a border)
* If a graph can be three-coloured then it can be four-coloured;
(Any three colouring is a four colouring, but with no vertices of the fourth colour)
* An instance of colouring an arbitrary graph can be converted into an instance of colouring a planar graph;
(There is a "widget" that uncrosses edges)
* Given a number to factor, we can construct a graph such that three-colouring the graph will produce a factorisation[0];
(Graph three-colouring is NP-Complete, so this is even easier than that)
Broadly, we can construct a graph that has exactly one (up to permutation of colours) valid three-colouring. As you start to colour it you find that you have to make choices, on average about $4/3$ choices per vertex[1]. But the wrong choice results in not being able to complete the colouring, and you don't know which choice or choices were wrong.
So you get this "spooky action at a distance" thing going on.
Sometimes a planar graph can't be coloured with three colours, and sometimes it can but a colouring is hard to find. When we allow the extra colour it turns out that it's always possible, but it's not obvious that that should be the case.
That's an #ISS-level view of the ideas ... hope it helps.
[0] https://www.solipsys.co.uk/new/FactoringViaGraphThreeColouri...
[1] Beigel, R.; Eppstein, D. (2005), "3-coloring in time O(1.3289^n)"[2]
[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graph_coloring#cite_note-15
PS: I've upvoted you because I'm sure other people have the same questions, they're good questions, and they deserve answers.