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I get you are jokingly musing, but let's not open our minds so much our brains fall out.

Jamming an open wound into soil is going against the well established knowledge we have on how infection works.

My grandfather used to say rub some spit in it--that's what the Native Americans did (before Pfizer stole their land).

Perhaps licking of wounds?

Which seems to me like a way to introduce mouth bacteria and cause an infection, but maybe it’s counter-intuitively beneficial?

Saliva has some antisceptic properties and promotes clotting.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wound_licking

It actually is beneficial, and is instinctive. There's a difference between bites (which introduce bacteria deep into punctures where they don't belong) and licking which places nitrites, lysozyme, and other antimicrobials onto the skin. see here: https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6...

Nevertheless, washing in tap water with soap is probably better nowadays.