Hacker News Reader

Comment by cperciva | Hacker News Reader

"It gets better. Girls love their daddies eventually."

As the father of a 20 month old, this year has been rough; she wants Mommy all the time and now that she's mobile there's not much I can do about it short of physically restraining her.

At the end of November she finally decided that I wasn't completely terrible; I went to Vegas for re:Invent and she was going from room to room looking for me. She still wants Mommy more, but Daddy has moved up a step from "unwanted intruder" to "somebody we take for granted but miss when he's gone".

View on HN

I recently started getting hugs and kisses from my 2 year old daughter when I pick her up from daycare. She still likes her mother more than me but at least she started tolerating me instead of crying as she did before. :D

I had the same "issue" with my son which is older. The issues went away after some time after we started to communicate (using words).

Kids are great.

I only have one child (3.5 years old), but with my own experience as well as what I’ve talked to many people about, Dads basically spend the first 2 years loving their child but primarily supporting Mom, because the kid is so dependent on mom (literally physically for a period of time too).

Once you get to 2+ and language starts developing, your bond with the kid will skyrocket. Come up with good ideas for adventures with them and they’ll love you the way you’re hoping they will.

> Dads basically spend the first 2 years loving their child but primarily supporting Mom, because the kid is so dependent on mom (literally physically for a period of time too)

FWIW although this might be common, it's not always true.

My wife went back to work about four months after our eldest was born (her choice, no pressure from employer), I was working from home - and flexibly - and so I got a lot of quality time with him until he was 18 months and started at daycare. That including us attending the local "mother and baby" group (yes, it was called that) together.

After we had two further kids, both of which I also took to "mother and baby" group, they finally renamed the group ;)

Yeah I think it's sometimes just about time spent. I have a 15 month old and my husband and he have always had a strong bond because he's around all the time: He works from home, has more flexible work than me, and I have an office 10 min away that I go to.

Fun thing I came up with with my daughter. Our own secret communication. She could hold my hand and squeeze once for yes, twice for no. So for example, if her mom and I were discussing where to eat lunch, she could squeeze once on the place she wanted, twice on places she didn't. She expanded on it in time.

Little daughters are God’s way to show us mini-heaven on Earth.

My dad did try “physically restraining me” by grabbing me before I could run to my mom after I would creep down the stairs in the morning to avoid him. It did not make things better so I would not recommend it, haha. I’m sure it was frustrating for him.

Anyway, thirty years later we’re good, and I would go to my dad way before my mom to talk about any sort of personal issue and such. Of course, every situation is different, hopefully it won’t take you nearly as long as it did for us.

I have found in my personal relationships in the past few years that the more I let go and stop trying to control things or take it personally when someone doesn’t act the way I’d like, the better it all goes. Of course, for some people that means the relationship drops off entirely, but for the more important ones they got a lot better.

To be clear, the only physical restraining I do is "Mommy needs to go to work now so Daddy is going to pick you up so you don't try to chase her down the stairs". She knows she can't walk down the stairs on her own but sometimes forgets when she gets excited.

Due to Covid I was around much more during my daughter's early years than my son's. It's been fantastic to get closer to her than I could to my son due to working.

I've been around all this time -- in fact, I work from home while my wife goes out to work -- but that doesn't change the fact that I'm the mean parent who doesn't give her milk.

I think the big change a few weeks ago was her finally understanding that Daddy is something other than "Mommy who doesn't have milk".

Thank you! This means a lot!

Reply on news.ycombinator.com