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Comment by edgefield | Hacker News Reader

We’re in a similar boat and have never set limits. Our two kids have learned to self moderate. They both like technology but get bored after a period of time and move on to other activities. We also encourage other activities with cub scouts, play dates, gymnastics, swim lessons and of course occasionally have to be strict with prioritizing homework. I give my partner credit for facilitating most of this. Maybe we’re lucky or maybe setting limits oddly fosters addiction?

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For every one of these anecdotes there's another where the kid got unrestricted access and is now incapable of going anywhere or doing anything without having their tablet with them, and is chronically addicted to the screen at nearly every waking moment, to their extreme detriment in school and social encounters. I have a family member like this.

I think the more important thing is fostering your children to have other interests - when the electronics are given just to make a kid shut up it can eventually become their "real" parents. When parents are active and make an effort to show their children other activities and find what they're interested in, the electronics won't be as enticing.

Maybe that requires a child having some built in proclivity towards some manner of creative expression or physical activity, who knows.

Like I said in another comment, phones and tablets are portable slot machines. Gambling wins over "other interests" every time.

That can't be true. If it were, no kid with access would have other interests.

Not all kids are the same. Not everyone gets gambling addicted either.

Yeah, every time is a huge exaggeration.

That’s just not true for every child. Children are not so reductive.

Ah ok, so you are fine with taking your child to Las Vegas and sitting them in front of the slot machine with a handful of quarters? Maybe just give them a small heroin injection too, there's a chance they wont get addicted.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reductio_ad_absurdum

Also, giving your children unfettered access to the internet is not the same thing as giving them money for a slot machine. They don't have money unless you give it to them. It's not difficult to prevent them from having unlimited access to your credit cards.

Children will grow up into adults that have access to all this stuff anyway. Better to teach and manage excess early then restrict.

I reject that it's reductio ad absurdum. We do not know the effect of this kind of stimulus on children and how it can affect their development.

So clearly it's comparable to heroin and slot machines at Vegas then, if we don't know the impact. Just gotta get a couple more years in to know for sure whether we can compare it to opiates :)

Those other interests don't have a real chance to compete against endless YouTube etc, real life is just slower and gives less stimulation per second than the output of a whole industry trying to play their mind.

I don’t know, I see it with the children around my family all the time. They’d rather play with one another then sit around on their phones. You’re not giving the children enough credit :)

I have two nephews like this. Their future looks incredibly bleak. Although I believe the culprit is that their parents are always "phone on" as well.

Yep, all these people don't understand they are handing their kids slot machines disguised as harmless kid games. Completely irresponsible.

There is no black or white on this point, still clearly there is an unprotected risk.

Yep and what's worse is no parent is going to ever admit that they gave their child unlimited screen time and now their child is addicted. Anecdotes that exhibit this kind of asymmetry are effectively worthless.

Indeed. People growing up isn't a function of one variable

My kids self-moderated before they started playing Roblox and Fortnite.

Before that, we had no limits. After that, self moderation was lost. They would play forever and turn into monsters. The then-7 year old would pee in his pants and keep playing.

Yes, the forbidden-fruit effect might grease the skids toward addiction.

You and I, as parents, are both fortunate that our respective children received the gift of constant attention. I fully admit that this experience-everything attitude works a lot better when you're actually there to provide choices, knowledge, feedback, etc. Two working parents who hardly see their kids during the week would have a different perspective.

I think you just hit the nail on the head with this comment.

I never got limits but I got quite addicted to the internet. In my case it was caused by other factors (depression), but I wouldn't discount the possibility in general.

I would set the limit at "you have to do something other than school and tv/internet/gaming in your day, on most days."

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