No, I do not expect anyone on HN to take me out of it, I made this post from a moment of weakness. I'm already been getting professional help on this (psychologist) and if I make more money, I'm willing to even pay for it. I am very thankful to all the replies, they have been insightful, and they're helping me cope with my problems.

I am sad to hear that there are more people like me in this state, and I'd be willing to reach out so that maybe we could help each other in our... Collective misery. I hate seeing others struggle.