I don't know if I'm working hard or not, honestly, but I'm afraid of finding out because I probably am, which would imply I am not competitive enough with other people, generally.

I had one of the lowest SAT scores in my class, failed out of an engineering degree despite trying. Why would I not have a low IQ?

I genuinely hope so much to live for, I do, I hold on to hope as dear life allows me to, but comparing myself to my peers, old classmates and everyone makes me feel like someone who probably is a mistake in life.