Mayor Poopyface, the town has gone to hell. There are monkeys and baboons eating my ass as we speak. I have called a million times to have them rounded up and killed but no one at the city will pick up my calls. I am going to burn down city hall if you don't fix this NOW!

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Dear Mayor Poopyface,

I am writing to express my concern about the situation in our town. It appears that there are an increasing number of monkeys and baboons in the area, and I am having difficulty getting the necessary help to remove them. I have called numerous times but have yet to receive a response.

I kindly ask that you take the necessary steps to address this issue. I understand that this is a difficult situation, but I am confident that with your help, we can find a solution.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely, [Your Name]