The analogy with sexuality and gender bothered me. It is a sore point and fragile. The solution for them is (foremost) equality, the solution for people with disabilities is egality.

Yes, society changed to help people as much as possible. With changes your living-mate can interact with society as well as possible. Sure, the missing thumbs are disabling, but somebody insisting on hand-written instead of typed notes is an asshole. At some point, people who ignore a disability or disorder because of general ignorance or worse are the problem.