Ask HN: Parents: Best screen-time limiting software? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Parents: Best screen-time limiting software?

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Recently I set my nine year old up with an old Linux desktop as his first real computer. Of course he is set up in the living room, no headphones, and with a kids Google account that I can fully monitor.

Right now a pain point is trying to set time limits on websites (like youtubekids or lego.com) because although I don't object to them per se, I also don't want him to spend hours browsing the lego website, watching videos, etc.

On iOS devices there are good tools that allow granular level time blocking of websites, apps, etc. Does anyone know of any tools that allow even basic password-protected time blocking on desktop browsers, or a cross-platform (iOS/Linux) time limiter?

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The best advice is no blocking, open and frank conversation, showing interest for what they are watching, and being available when they see something they don’t understand.

Every child is different, some will be more addicted to the internet but in different levels and in different ways. And kids are smart, and will find ways to get what they want outside your monitoring.

To guide (not force) them to seek interesting YouTube channels, can be very rewarding, and even healthy. Develop their curiosity and be ready to explain.

In the extreme of blocking and over protection may have the opposite results and resentment.

All this is easier said than done.

Full disclosure: pi-hole, iOS screen time, and Microsoft family safety

Content and time limit are distinct issues. There is much to say about content but time limit is simple:

* there should be one

* it will make no sense to a child as something they enjoy and is available in unlimited quantity, will be taken away for no reason they understand

* It will come down to an argument from authority and one needs to be strong, emotionally intelligent and sensitive to make that work.

Eventually, kids need to manage their own screentime.

It's going to be an important skill for them as an adult to self manage. Further, we don't want to apply shame/guilt to screentime just because it's screen time. There's such a huge range of activities that involve a screen. I used to think YouTube was the lowest bar of screen time, but there is generally so much deep, informational content that kids love (like History Oversimplified). So many creative activities involve a screen. And frankly it's a primary form of social interaction for older kids.

What can you do?

One thing is model better behavior as adults. As two WFH parents, this is really really hard. It means not being on screens all the time as adults. I've found if you show interest in things, your kids will too. So setting up activities you do together that don't involve screens is crucial. And doing activities BY YOURSELF that don't involve screens is crucial if you want your kids to do activities by themselves without screens.

Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on your relationship with Apple) iOS is probably the best “general-purpose” OS for limiting screen time. I’m sure there are a lot of in-app tools you can use in android, but nothing for the entire ecosystem

(conversely those in-app controls notoriously make it difficult to unify controls in iOS as well)

This might help?

https://ubuntuhandbook.org/index.php/2021/11/time-limits-for...

I use a physical kitchen eggtimer to signal to my son it's time for a break. I joke that the eggtimer is compatible with all operating systems, has less setup and maintenance than any (let's be honest) linux application and generally forces me to get out of my chair to turn it off. It's simple, but it works.

I use pihole running on our household synology nas. Kids devices are in a group, there’s a rule that blocks all DNS lookups. Kids are trained to set timers, and I set one too, and when the timer goes off, I pull out my phone and click the single button that turns off their DNS. There are exceptions for Kahn Academy, Wikipedia, Prodigy Software; maybe will add more as kids age. Been very happy with this setup. And I’ll be so proud when they learn to bypass it.

This seems pretty interesting, do you have links that provide more details on this? Is it all functionality that's available by default on pihole or did you use some mods/custom blocklists/etc?

It's stock pihole functionality, just the basic groups management feature and default blocklist. Using the stock pihole docker container. There are some helpful blog posts [1, 2] in the top google search results for this setup but honestly very easy setup. I like simple setups.

[1] https://mariushosting.com/how-to-install-pi-hole-on-your-syn... [2] https://www.wundertech.net/how-to-setup-pi-hole-on-a-synolog...

I should add that what makes it work so nicely with pihole is you can use regular expressions for the DNS allow/block lists. So the kids group has a deny rule of `.*` and those few explicit allowed sites I mentioned.

You might want to consider something like the Purple Firewalla device that allows to have parental control across your home network. Though kids can always turn off wifi and get around. Link: https://firewalla.com/products/firewalla-purple

My approach with my almost 4 year old is to not limit a particular technology but instead limit content. For example she's getting a tablet for Christmas but it's set up to only let her read books.

You might have let the cat out of the bag too early but I wouldn't have let her know that her old laptop can even do YouTube, or the Lego website, and instead gave her wikipedia and few other sources of content (PBS maybe?) that is educational and fun but not so fun that she gets lost in it forever. We can watch TV and videos on the TV like a family, I'd set up a laptop for other purposes and only after her other obligations have been met.

Suggestion based on our parenting results, YMMV:

1. Enforced limits are adversarial.

2. Conversations around how the internet/devices etc are fantastic while fraught with a million pitfalls may seem too much for a 9yo to handle, but you might be surprised if you try.

3. In general, having healthier alternatives and some timely reminders work great. For example: If he is spending hours browsing the lego website, perhaps he'd love to try out a large lego project.

4. Teens and pre-teens right now will inhabit a world that is over-reactive to online stimuli. Being hygienic / responsible about the online world and screen time is an important skill to cultivate.

"1. Enforced limits are adversarial."

One of the primary jobs for parents is to set limits. Bedtime, sugar, chores, homework, etc are all forms of limits. If screentime is more adversarial than bedtime, could this be an indication of addiction?

Emphasis is on "enforcement" than limits and we've applied it to all limits. In general, we (child + parents) agree on some limits. Sometimes they are broken, we discuss and adjust or re-iterate.

It does take more time initially, but it has resulted in a more responsible child and a more respectful child - parent relationship.

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Addiction: if the limits get broken frequently, it definitely is a sign of addiction and indicates a need for healthier alternatives.

That should be your responsibility mate.

Use a timer if you need one, five min before it rings let your offspring know (no one likes to be interrupted in the middle), once the time is up that is it.

> That should be your responsibility mate.

This type of commentary online is contradictory and lazy.

- Parent puts in effort to manage their child's time (and or access).

WHY AREN'T YOU PARENTING?!

- Parent doesn't put in effort to manage their child's time (and or access).

WHY AREN'T YOU PARENTING?!

Plus when a parent really goes whole-hog on the whole protective thing they get criticized for being authoritarian and or not allowing their kid to make mistakes/grow into an adult.

The direct implication here is that a child should only have exactly as much time on technology as the parent has free time to sit behind them and look over their shoulder. Yet if you phased a parent doing that as a question from the child's point-of-view, it would get HEAVILY criticized (and perhaps not incorrectly either). In essence all parenting today exists in a super position (or "Schrödinger's Parenting" if you will) wherein everything they do is incorrect and or a complete contradiction.

Seemingly to comes from two groups:

- Those who have never had kids.

- Those who had kids before technology really existed like it does today.

These people don't really have anything valuable to offer the discussion.

I belong to neither of the groups you mentioned. The only responsibility a parent has is to their child - there is nothing contradictory or lazy about this.

Otherwise you seem to project personal stuff I have no opinion on.

Well said.

I’m not sure when we crossed that threshold where actively trying to limit technology in a fair and automated way access became “lazy parenting” but I don’t like it.

If you have a Google Router, you can set up "family wifi" and schedule when your son should be doing his homework instead of being online. https://support.google.com/googlenest/answer/7535858#schedul...

It is most likely counter-productive, if said software is imposed upon. Best case scenario, you raise a hacker who works around it.

If necessary, as others have alluded to, a global timer is best.

NextDNS can be a viable option with their “Recreation Time” feature. Overall it seems like DNS is the right place to implement this cross platform.

Best screen time limiting software: parenting.

Why be a negative twat?

Encouraging parents to be parents is not negative.

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