Man, how much are distros + bad user config hurting user "Linux" reports.
Thank god for NixOS where (1) we do a decent job of base config and (2) user config errors are basically trivially identifiable.
1. Open `pulsemixer` to monitor pulse clients
2. `ssh localhost "pacat < /dev/urandom"`
Observe that pacat is showing as a pulse client. This stuff is really easy and should absolutely just work.