I agree that relationships are not transactional. This is my personal viewpoint.

But if I am to observe how others in my community, town, city, and even ethnic background make these decisions, 9 times out of 10 they are transactional. Many of these relationships are loveless and aware of it.

For me to pretend this is not real life would be to bury myself in the bubble of my own experience and assume everyone else loves their partner unconditionally as much as I do, or selected them under similar criteria.

I would go as far as saying what you call “the incel view” is actually how marriage happens in a vast majority of cultures over most of human history. To me that’s not “the incel view”

it’s just life.