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Comment by chrisseaton | Hacker News Reader

Forcing someone to share a bed with someone seems like sexual assault?

Not saying that's what happened here, but "Forced to share a bed with someone" could also mean that the company didn't pay for single rooms on a business trip and the hotel put folks into double rooms because they didn't have twin rooms.

That happened to me in the past, and it's something I will never accept again, but it's not sexual assault. It's just a result of crazy expensive hotels in some cities.

>"Forced to share a bed with someone" could also mean...

That's an extremely gratituous reading of the situation that is unwarranted.

You were not "forced" to share a bed, because nobody would give a fuck if you opted out and paid for your own hotel stay.

>Not saying that's what happened here, but

...you're implying it was a possibility. Why defend the corporate here?

I'd get a separate room and file to expense it, arguing it must have been a company mistake. There's no way they could have a retort to that.

It's borderline accepted in some cases, usually when corporate travel is also benefiting the employee in some way - attending cool conferences (especially widespread in academia...), or for "fun" team-building trips. Luckily never happend to me, but not super uncommon. Usually you have the choice to say No, but at the price of being difficult (and potentially losing the next opportunity for a trip).

I’ve heard of people sharing rooms at work events (which I already think is crazy) but not sharing a bed …

> It's borderline accepted in some cases

Sharing a freaking bed as an adult? Top-and-tail with a random colleague who may be in a relationship? What if they put you in a bed with someone you know has a crush on you? Or who has hygiene issues? Or who snores? No it absolutely isn’t accepted at work, unless France is completely different for professional and personal standards to the rest of the developed world. No functional HR organisation would accept the risk. Where would they stand if the other person touched you in the night and claimed they were asleep?

It's a familiar practice to me, and my buddies in construction and trades here in Canada complain about it sometimes, particularly the oil industry. Four guys and two double beds in the motel. Dormitory-style accommodation are common too, typically 6 - 8 men and bunk beds and a shared bathroom and living space. Such assignments are usually short though, a few weeks. People expect a private room or an apartment, for longer than that, and they're usually hauled in, in the form of trailers or similar.

I've accepted dormitory-style accommodation and worse in the Army, but I wouldn't expect even the Army to ask me to literally share a bed with another adult.

And this is a bank, not wilderness work or the Army.

At an old job, our per-diem was basically cash and we didn't submit receipts for reimbursement. Here's some money, whatever you don't spend, is yours to keep. Most of the guys just saw it as incentive to stay cheap and blow the extra at the bar..

So we'd stay as cheap as possible. Double, triple, quadruple up on rooms. Sleeping bag on the floor, scheduling who showers when. Learned the trick of laying a line of luggage down the middle of the bed, so if you accidentally snuggle up to something in the middle of the night, it's just a duffel bag.

I think per diem was in the $60-70/night range at the time, I don't recall exactly. But I know after a few months of working out of town, I was suddenly able to afford my next car without a loan.

But if the company tried to _require_ that? Oh, hell no. Heeeeelllllll no.

Its 100% accepted here in Sweden. Caveat, never with the other sex than yours, not that always helps!

Our conferences always book double rooms and they are shared. Never a complaint as far as I know. BUT, our conferences are 100% optional, so you do not need to attend. Just saying that this "sharing bed" thing is not that unusual.

This is a IT consultants firm, btw.

a sexual action has to occur (words, images, touch), not just being in a location you associate with sex

I'm confident France's court would agree too

Isn't touch pretty likely when you're under the covers with someone? Either accidental or on purpose? How are you going to figure that out? Seems like a landmine.

depends on the size of the bed, but sure, the courts aren't going to be any better at resolving in person sexual assault now in 2022 than in 1300

Which is why no reasonable HR department would tell two employees to get into bed together and switch the lights out and hope for the best.

From managing kids in awkwardly arranged holiday accommodation: if each person is in their own sleeping bag, you can usually avoid any direct contact. Possibly easier with kids because of size, but as an extra precaution roll up the quilt and place it down the center of the bed.

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