On the psychology of “tech money”

> Folks who grew up in affluent households will venmo for the salsa.

This is a broad generalization that's actually the inverse of what I've seen, and I'm willing to bet I've interacted with an order of magnitude more "grew up affluent" types than the author, having grown up in one of the richest suburbs in the US.

Maybe it depends on the kind of wealth, but in my social circles (both growing up and now) anyone who did something like ask for a $6 Venmo would be laughed out of the room, and if they were serious people would Start Talking about them. That is Just Not Done, people pick up small tabs and (sometimes) split large ones and don't think about it at all, to do otherwise is considered extremely crass. Any fights over tabs are usually of the alpha male variety where paying the tab is a sign of dominance (and I've seen those fights get weird, with people ninja-settling in secret before the check shows up just so they can say "it's already taken care of" and then angry fights erupting afterwards because someone else had expected to pay).

Yes, there is a careless and/or arrogant disregard for money, but it does not usually come across as penny pinching and counting what other people owe you, it's more the type of thing where they'll casually assume everyone in the party would be thrilled to go to a $400/person restaurant for a celebration, not for a moment realizing how much of a stretch that is for the younger/less rich in the group and what a hard position it puts them in.

I think the word the author is looking for to pick out the kind of person who sends a Venmo request for a coffee is "asshole", not "grew up wealthy". I feel like they have some axe to grind here and have ended up severely overgeneralizing as a result...

When I first moved to SF and got “tech money” I had a group of friends and we would frequently go out, someone would order some ridiculous bottle of wine or something and it was understood that we’d all just split the tab, or occasionally even play credit card roulette just for fun. It was young people being loose with their new money, no real harm being done.

My girlfriend though, was also in this group and did NOT have “tech money”. Anytime she went out without me it became an issue, because she would order herself an app and a drink while everyone else ordered champagne and caviar and then have to sheepishly request that the group itemize the bill at the end.

No real point to my story I guess. Just a memory.

One time, this person was taken out for a recruiting coffee by a lunatic, who, hours after being rejected, texted to ask for the coffee money back. Instead of capturing that text message and enshrining it in the Twitter dunk hall of fame, where I'm reasonably sure it would have found a comfortable home, this person instead built the interaction into their psyche, to the point where they're uncomfortable picking up the bar tab because they're worried their peers will think they're going to come back on that tab years later, like Don Corleone.

Oooh, oooh, an opportunity to talk about my favorite tech related money cluelessness story.

The setting: somewhere in the late 00's. I'm still in grad school at the time. A friend of mine, a musician from New Orleans, is in town for an electronic music thing. He and I are going to grab a drink somewhere.

But my friend is also in town networking. And he eventually gets talking to a founder of a very prominent music technology company which will remain nameless. Said founder is, as they tend to be, rich as shit. My friend texts me: is it ok if we switch from grabbing a drink to going out with this founder? I, not wanting to mess with my friend's networking, say sure thing.

So fast forward a few hours. Drink has become dinner, at a very fancy restaurant. It's me, a grad student; my friend, a working musician; an undergrad who tagged along, and a rich founder. The founder orders for the table. I don't remember where we were, but I do remember that the founder ordered oysters. I remember this because I'm allergic to Oysters.

The check comes. And the asshole founder tells the waiter to split it. Somehow drinks with a buddy turned into 80 bucks a head. And I couldn't even tell the founder to go fuck himself, because, friend, networking, etc.

Really hard to not see this as deliberate, notwithstanding the argument in the post that people like this are just clueless.

I found this post to be really on point.

There's a power dynamic to having more disposable income than others, especially within your peer group. This is more pronounced with tech workers (as pointed out in the post) as there's less of a monetary barrier to entry than other high paying fields, so a tech workers typical college friend group has a greater income disparity than a typical group of doctors or lawyers who tend to be more insular.

Saying that this post references a non-issue or is simply untrue is misunderstanding the situation and should make you think about the financial positions of individuals within your own friend group, as well as yours relative to them.

What does "venmo for the salsa" mean? Who is paying who? Is that in a restaurant?

"Tech Money" will largely dissipate after labor market dynamics normalize. Could be as soon as next year if the economy continues on its current trajectory.

The best will still attain high compensation, but the world of 6 figure jobs after 6 week bootcamps is going to end.

Value add to the employer just sets a ceiling on potential pay. In the end, wage and compensation is always a product of supply and demand of labor.

Ya, this is relatable. I will however occasionally pick up a tab, but I'll be ask how much it is first, compare it to what I was prepared to spend that night, and it'd still be a big gesture to me, not a flex. Also don't know what venmo for salsa means. Anything I spend, I do so with the knowledge it could all be taken away tomorrow, or I could lose the job, or my apartment.

I don't know that I've ever spoken again to anyone who accepted my invitation somewhere and then insisted on splitting the bill instead of letting me get it. It's a rejection of hospitality, which happens, but it's a signifier, and usually of the end of the relationship. Someone who won't break bread with you is someone you can't trust, and someone who does break bread with you and then betrays you is unworthy of your disappointment.

What does “Venmo for the salsa” mean and is HENRY a meme of the person who bought the coffee? The writing is pretty confusing

I have no idea what the point was, or what the 6$ had to to with tech money and venmo

The example from the beginning can be found at any site where people share dating experiences, there is nothing specific about tech money.

Stopped reading as soon as the usual spiel about white/man went.

Messy and poorly written article, could not finish reading it.

Unpleasant surprise to find this on HN.