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I really need to figure out how to save off all the pictures and videos from WhatsApp iOS so I can uninstall it.

someone scraping numbers is enough to drive you off of whatsapp?

Export each (or the most important) chats as zip files.

How? when I try to backup my chats, whatsapp says my only option is to send them to google (i dont want to do that even if they're encrypted)

There'll be an option to Share to iCloud Drive (or some other file manager like Documents or File Explorer) or AirDrop to a Mac etc.

When I try export to chat it just gives me an error “unable to export chat”.