I've been looking around the documentation on Huggingface, but all I could find was either how to train unconditional U-Nets[1], or how to use the pretrained Stable Diffusion model to process image prompts (which I already know how to do). Writing a training loop for CLIP manually wound up with me banging against all sorts of strange roadblocks and missing bits of documentation, and I still don't have it working. I'm pretty sure I also need some other trainables at some point, too.
[0] Specifically, Wikimedia Commons images in the PD-Art-100 category, because the images will be public domain in the US and the labels CC-BY-SA. This would rule out a lot of the complaints people have about living artists' work getting scraped into the machine; and probably satisfy Debian's ML guidelines.
[1] Which actually does work