Ask HN: What are you grateful for?
It’s been a tough year in tech, but I love this community and I’m curious.
Although I have my health issues, it could be far worse. I'm grateful I don't need someone else's help to live my life and basically do what I want. I'm grateful that I have a good memory and tend to learn stuff quickly.
I'm grateful that there are people who love me.
I'm grateful that I live in a country that is still relatively free and peaceful. I generally don't have to worry about violence or being treated unjustly.
My small Bluetti EB70 that lets me take hot showers when Russians launch rockets at our infrastructure and disconnect whole cities from the grid.
Electrical engineers that keep fixing the grid so that my Bluetti can charge from time to time.
A friend with Starlink who's happy to share internet. Simple things!
We don't realize how nice we have it. Computers, furniture, food, clothing: I could not build all of these myself. Also health, fitness, half-decent appearance, family: these are things nobody and no amount of money can give back if I lose them. My job and connections: I would be poor, homeless, struggling without them, and making new connections today is harder than ever.
Does not mean that everything is perfect. And it's definitely not an excuse to criticize people which don't have all of these (e.g. shelter but not money, shelter and money but not friends or family, shelter and money and support but not health), as every single one is very important. But still, it's a lot, and many people just don't realize
I think it's because it necessarily implies someone to be grateful to, most likely a divine being or an abstraction of it (such as the spirit of universe). I see the world as a chaotic place where most things are done through pure will of humans, and random events.
If somebody does something good to me, I'm grateful to them. My current employer recruited me while I was in college, I was severely depressed and anxious, had frequent panic attacks and a few blowups at work, and they tolerated it because they believed I was "promising". I'm also aware that my skills (demonstrated to professors at college) were also a factor in their decision, but I'm still grateful to them, as people, for choosing to give me a chance.
What I'm not grateful is the ordinary bullshit of being alive and healthy, being in a trade (programming) that earns quite a bit of money, having family, et cetera. Those things are pure chance, and yes, I got dealt good cards in some ways, but also bad cards in other ways. I don't see logic behind being "grateful" for the good things, while ignoring the bad.
If it's just a psychological trick to make us "happier" with our lives, then I despise it even more. There is a purpose in being unhappy - fixing things is hard when you're "grateful" for what you have and don't want to risk changing anything. And if your life is truly good, you don't need a ritual of pointing out good things to feel good about it.
Maybe I'm just overanalyzing it. But the concept of "gratitude" just feels fake to me.
There are lots of definitions of gratitude, some focus on the social aspect, others the moral aspect[1], but I have found keeping a gratitude journal to be helpful in managing my depression and anxiety, by teaching me that "happiness" and "contentment" are just as valid as "unhappiness" or "sadness".
I understand the feeling of "phoniness" you might feel practicing it, but it gets easier over time. Sometimes I'm grateful my partner made me a coffee. Or I'm grateful that a friend called to check in with me, when I was unwell. Sometimes I'm grateful my pull request was merged. It's about little things.
It's worth mentioning: being healthy, having a family, a high-paying, stable job is not "ordinary bullshit" for many people. I say this not to guilt you into being grateful, but to remind you that you seem to have a lot of goodness in your life.
Sure, I agree. There is a lot of good in my life.
What seems to cause dissonance is how my life still feels like shit, despite all those good things. The answer I most often hear to this is "well, if you practiced more gratitude, you'd appreciate those things" - which feels like the old religious cliche of "if God doesn't help you, you aren't praying/believing enough".
But to ask a concrete question - how would you describe the "activity" of practicing gratitude to, say, a child who's never heard of such a phrase? Is it just the act of pointing out "good" things about your life to yourself, or is there anything more to it?
In an ELI5-type answer: "Practicing" gratitude involves actively noticing your feelings of appreciation for something good in your life. That something good may be a meal, a relationship, overcoming an challenge, etc.
For an adult beginner a gratitude journal is a great place to start! You can purchase one, like the "6-Minute Journal" or you can grab a blank piece of paper and pick a prompt from this pdf[1]. Pick a prompt: "Something beautiful I saw today..." "A fun experience I had..." "Someone I admire.." and spend a few minutes writing about that. Write in your journal 2-3 times a week. That's it!
[1]: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/gratitude-journal
I didn't come up with this and obviously cannot say if it would work for you. Look up "Three Good Things" if you're curious about the theory.
Also, expressing gratitude for the things you have does not preclude recognizing areas that could be improved. I am grateful that I am able to walk around and use my body for exercise and sport without trouble; this doesn't mean that I think my creaky knees and back ache are good things, it just means that I appreciate those good things that I do have.
2. Everyone else in my family and their good health. My children are happy in the marriages. Spouse is as energetic as ever and still has the enthusiasm and love when we met back in college
3. Quitting my last job before my physical and mental health completely shattered. Tell you what, if you’re also in the Amazon rat race, get out before it eats you.
4. Not doing too much over the past year, aside from reading, light travel, and participating in some online communities
Very thankful for health.
Be grateful for the things you don’t have to do.
As programmers we have one of the nicest jobs in society, there’s a lot of shit that we don’t have to deal with (figurative and literally), I’m very grateful for that.
I'm grateful for all the inventiveness and infrastructure and effort that's gone into making hot water so plentiful it is casually disposable.
I had no idea exactly how bad that can get until I was assigned to a booth at SC22 last week and we had no chairs, so I was standing the whole time. I lasted about three hours each day, and after that, my low back was knotted up to the point I couldn't stand up straight, and it impinged enough to make my hips and knees swell up, too.
So I'm grateful I don't have to do that. I've got a job I can do from my bed. For the record, I am quite active. I walk anywhere from an hour to two each day, though not in one shot. I lift every morning. But there's apparently quite a difference between brief bouts of intense activity and being on your feet for a prolonged period of time. There was a thread the other day here, possibly yesterday, about unemployed people in their 50s and 60s being excoriated for not getting jobs in an economy with low unemployment, and responses mentioning those jobs might be things like Walmart greeter or whatever. Cue the invited discussion about what exactly might be "beneath" a person of a certain history, but as far as I can tell, there seem to be enormous categories of jobs I couldn't do even if I wanted to, including many jobs I've done in the past like Disneyland performer, retail store manager, Army officer, park custodian. I could not be a Walmart greeter. I couldn't be a pilot or a long-haul trucker or a rideshare driver, since I can't sit for long periods of time, either. I can't be a park ranger or a tour guide.
I'm lucky as hell that the job I happen to have is a job I can actually do, and I'll be grateful for as long as that continues to be the case. And I will continually advocate for companies that have jobs that can be done from home to allow those jobs to be done from home, without reprisal and without stigma, to expand the pool of people who can work.
We (in industry) only have the possibility of saying things like "don't bother with a degree, just do a bootcamp or teach yourself" because of all the heavy lifting that researchers have done.
I'm grateful for this community, for DanG and the others who keep it moderated and running.
I'm grateful for the internet, and BBSs before that, and Printing, writing, language, all of the tech...sooooo much tech.
I shared a meal this evening with some folks I admire, we spoke about topics I find interesting, and there was much laughter and no drama. Very thankful for this.
I have everything I need to survive and thrive right now.
Love it or hate it, this year I’m grateful for Zoom. It’s only maybe halfway towards the goodness of in-person meetings, but at least it’s that.
Seriously. Every time I see people who could not help themselves being so thankless/unmindful/ungrateful, I'm grateful for being able to be in a grateful state of mind and Act accordingly.
I'm a "glass half empty" person. I find it easier to complain than to be thankful. I need to work on that...
Mindfulness is key.