Only if you don’t value your career. Or if you’re very attractive and therefore approaching office mates is low risk.
This is absolutley not women's fault or problem but if you are unattractive even hinting slightly that you like a person will be interpreted as being creepy. Outside of work you can accept the rejection right away and move on, at work, rumors will ruin you. I don't know about others but no romantic opportunity is worth sacrificing a career.
For me it isn't even just all that but making someone uncomfortable at their work place where they have to work with you everyday sounds like a horrible thing to do. What if they view you as an authority figure or feel like their rejection could affect their career/work? This is even before HR and managers get involved and you get a nice public humiliation. I mean, don't eat where you shit, right? There is plenty of other places better suited than work.
Or just be a woman. Causal sexual harassment and even sexual assault in the workplace is almost always just ignored or glossed over if it’s perpetrated by a woman. If a man reports to HR that his female boss grabbed his ass they’ll look at him like he’s mentally ill, or ask him if he’s bothered by it because he’s homosexual.
Even companies that have dating rules codified, like Google, have no issue with you asking out someone, at least once. Being rejected and accepting it shouldn't lead to the end of your career.
Or am I missing something?
Being asked out by unattractive people is creepy harassment in what is supposed to be a safe space, even if they only ask once and politely accept rejection.
An unattractive man asking out a woman from work is taking a 10x or 100x career risk compared to a very attractive man asking out a woman from work.
My definition of attractiveness includes behavior, and the only unattractive behavior that might put your career at risk is if you ask people out in extremely awkward ways or don't handle rejection well.
Otherwise there should be no career risk to stating interest in getting to know a person more that you find interesting.
Unattractive = somebody who should know I’m way out of their league and since they don’t it’s creepy and slightly embarrassing to me that they’re trying to get a shot
There’s nothing less attractive than a guy who—regardless of physical appearance—is unaware of the “nice guy” vibes they are projecting. You do you, but I’d wager if you get off of the internet and talk to some human beings without “trying to get a shot” you’ll be way happier.
The reason that skit is funny and relatable is because it doesn’t take an incel to recognize this nuance of women’s reactions to being approached by two different classes of men.
I wonder why I keep seeing couples where one of them is super attractive and the other is the opposite.
Sure, sometimes it's simply prostitution, but many times it's not.
I've also met quite a few very attractive women who've told me that the way a guy looks is not nearly as important to them as their personality... and judging by the guys they've dated, that's true.
Later they stop going to the gym cause they have someone. Their appetite doesn’t change but their exercise routine did. They gain fat.
This is why you see a ton of overweight dudes with women that seem more physically attractive than them. The guys were in shape - they just got fat once they were together because he didn’t need to workout to get the girl anymore.
This is the overwhelming majority of overweight men with thin women that you’ll see.
Same with baldness - etc.
People should look at the couples when they first got together.
You start chatting to someone, you gauge their reaction, the chemistry between you, and take it from there if you feel that there is interest from the other side as well. It's probably better if you don't even ask them out on your first chat or the first day.
I wouldn't think it's a career risk to start chatting to someone at work, unless you continue doing so even after they've shown signs that they are not interested in talking to you, and then they're definitely not interested in dating you either.
I'm a gay man, who goes out pretty often, and although we gays are much more direct with each other, I have never gone up to someone and asked "do you want to go out with me?" or had someone ask me that as a first question. That would be weird even for us, who are okay with going to the dark room with someone we've only met three minutes before.
The situation is that you’re thinking there could be interest and are unsure. A lot of women are extremely reserved and as a straight man - anything short of a blatant no is not enough to stop because women don’t like to reveal their position often. A common story is a woman to completely ignore or harass a man and then later ask her friends, “do you think he likes me? God, he’s so attractive.” Many women will do anything they can to avoid showing how they feel about someone because they’re incredibly afraid of rejection. (Mainly cause most women never actually have to overcome rejection - men do it for them)
Dating women is much different than men. It’s very different. All the gay men in my life are endlessly perplexed by the stories they hear from their straight male friends.
If I have to resort to this, it implies no one among my peers whom I already see every day because I study or work or live next to them or hang out with their friends etc. is willing to have a relationship with me. (Or they were but then dumped me. Or my standards are idealistic and any real person I know sufficiently well will fall short, guaranteeing a short or dysfunctional relationship for you. Or I am in a relationship and am dishonest to my partner. Most explanations would not be in my favor, except maybe if I lead a solitary life without much social contact and that also begs the question why (unemployed? nomadic? etc.))
The problems start when the relationship ends, if it ends badly. Maybe you can take that chance if you know the coworker isn't into gossip/drama/etc and is mature about stuff. But for the love God, why would anyone suggest asking out your new coworker who you don't even know a little bit. Risk piled on more risk...
I've certainly dated several colleagues, over the years.