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Comment by eej71 | Hacker News Reader

I'm an American and I think one mistake we Americans make is that we think we are very direct, but there is a lot of indirectness in some of our communication habits. This is particularly true in other parts of the country. As a native born midwestern, there are some indirect habits there and I'd say the west coast as its own too. So we're mostly direct, but there is some indirectness that we are at times blind to.

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As a mildly autistic person who grew up in the Midwest, my understanding is that it is not at all direct haha. East coast is much more abrasive and easier to get. If someone things you’re an ass they’ll let you know. And you can let them know why they’re wrong in a loud back-and forth. Then laugh and get a drink.

In the Midwest people are too polite to say anything. Many midwesterners will bear an annoyance for years before speaking up as they are afraid of offending.

On the west coast if you’re an ass people will just stop interacting with you. You just won’t be invited anymore. The lack of interaction is the interaction.

The east coast/west coast is super striking. A few American friends were surprised when I told them I thought East/West coast divide was wider than e.g. NY/France, culture-wise. New York always felt like a more culturally diverse, bigger, English speaking Paris.

When I am in Japan, there is an obvious "this is not Kansas anymore" aspect. I love it, I lived there > 10 years but I don't need any effort to know I am like a fish out of the water.

On the other hand, California or Texas are still just unsettling, in an "uncanny valley" / twilight zone kind of way. Everything is "almost" the same, but yet so many small things that add up to a strange feeling. I guess American from a western culture background would feel the same when coming to Europe ? Not sure.

I have always felt there is a phoniness to west coast social interactions. There is both an indirectness and fake happiness that I find very jarring. On the east coast, particularly New York, people almost relish in their negativity, but at least they are clear about how they feel (typically).

I once spent a weekend in San Jose as a European, and it was a deeply unsettling experience for me. I've met my share of narcissistics in my time, but not what I'd describe was a whole town full of them. Everyone exhuded an aura of extreme self-importance, confidence, and deliberate grace. It was like walking on the surface of an alien planet.

It took me heading back to an LA bus station and interacting with the random people there to feel that I was among real people again.

As an American, I expected a big difference in Europe, but it felt kinda like an older, smaller town. New Orleans feels very European. And my point is that it’s distinct, and you know what it is that you’re feeling.

The mind fucking thing you’re talking about, the “uncanny valley,” is Canada. Vancouver is so much like Seattle, or any other US city in some ways, but there’s something off that you can’t quite explain. There are small details that are just wrong.

As someone who grew up in the Midwest and currently living on the East coast, I always get a little pissed off when I hear this trope. People in the Midwest are honest and just genuinely nice and friendly. Politeness to me has performative connotations. Most of my peers from back home talk like sailors.

I think rural vs suburban vs urban mannerisms might be a confounding variable here as well. I'm from the suburbs.

It's all stereotypes. As I've done more therapy though I just realize that all the people that I know from the midwest really /really/ don't want to open up about how they are feeling. It isn't about swearing or being a part of 'polite society', it's about not addressing perceived issues interpersonally or in a group dynamic.

Like I just see from my hometown near Minneapolis that people would rather just act like uncomfortable things aren't happening or don't exist. They put on a smile and act all nice to each other but secretly there's all this shit that they harbor against one another. It is definitely a small-town thing too though. In a small town the people you are around have been there for a long time and they are going to be there for a long time in the future, so one way to cope with disagreement is to paper it over. Just not my personally favorite interaction style.

German here living in Sweden. The description sounds very much like Swedish/ Nordic behavior/mentality. And don’t many people in Minnesota actually have Scandinavian heritage?

Yes, but Minnesotans actually have a higher % of German heritage than Scandinavian.

> As a mildly autistic person who grew up in the Midwest, my understanding is that it is not at all direct haha.

Have you heard americans talking about their digestion? You go to the bathroom? What are you doing there?

We're usually direct when we're positive, so long as it doesn't cost us anything.

Try to get a direct negative response in USA, good luck.

I only realized the indirectness of my second sentence after I wrote it.

Good observation about positive directness vs negative indirectness! I agree 100%.

Biggest source of conflict I've seen is when an American who thinks they're direct meets someone who actually is.

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