I've never really put this experience in to words before, reading it back maybe it's time for me to try something other than waiting for it to burn itself out.
God I know exactly what you mean. There's this feeling that surfaces during the trip that's so familiar and so real and you realize it's always there, but hiding under the surface. And now that you've seen it, you can never quite fully ignore it again.
> maybe it's time for me to try something other than waiting for it to burn itself out.
It hasn't burnt itself out for me either. I don't think it ever will. But therapy has helped, as has leaning into life, and getting lost in it a bit.
What a wonderful therapeutic substance, it just doesn't fix everything on its own but requires further work, paving the path for it.
However, 30 years later I have understood it and am very full and compete due to this process.
I think what is scary is that it takes us from unknowing children into fearful adults without the skills to self reflect in a way that we can heal ourselves.
High quality therapy with a sound and grounded therapist really helped me. Beyond words actually.
It is easy to blame the trip but it isn’t the trip. We can alter ourselves, or the way we react to things.
Hope you make some progress.