OP here. I just threw this together to have a little fun on a Friday morning. I knew I wasn't alone, but it's still nice when you guys remind me how much I'm not. It seems like there are two worlds for programmers these days: never having enough time to crank out that which must be built and dealing with alternate human reality in some institution.

These were just the tip of the iceberg. I'll probably have a bunch more next week.

Some specific feedback:

georgemcbay: When different stakeholders don't agree, I've learned 3 things: 1. You rarely make progress. 2. The only way to get them to agree is to put them in a room together and don't leave until they do agree (That's one time when you DO need a meeting). 3. My boss rarely understood (1) or (2). He was just worrying about his personal likes/dislikes. It's tough enough to convey this in a serious piece, but obviously a lot tougher in a light piece. Thanks for the feedback.

RyanMcGreal: I enjoyed Dilbert until the stories started striking too close to home. They became too real to be funny. Sad but true.

veyron: Actually, this company used 6 digit Ticket numbers. I shortened them for clarity. Remember it's a sequential numbering system, so that's the number of tickets since the beginning of time, not currently open tickets. Sadly, a typical meeting:

  Joe: How are we doing on 112182?
  Fred: I don't have that Ticket.
  Joe: Oh, maybe it should be 112128.
  Mary: No, that's in Ron's group.
  Fred: I must have written it down wrong. I mean the MJC Project.
  John: The MJC Project is on hold.
  Joe: Sorry, the MCJ Project.
  Mary: Who brought a laptop?
  Sue: I did. I'll search for MCJ.
  Fred: No, you'll get 500 tickets. Search for Joe Smith, open.
  Sue: OK, here it is. Ticket #118128.
  edw519: Kill me now.

EDIT: I am NOT making this up. Five minutes ago:

  Customer: I called you 10 minutes ago but you didn't answer.
  Me: I was here. Sometimes the IP phone doesn't ring.
  Customer: Why? Is it raining there?