Whenever my Dad puts down the morning paper, he asks himself: What have I learnt? I started asking myself the same question after a session of Facebooking and soon realised the answer was: nothing. Facebook openly admits that it allows you to maintain more 'friendships' than should be possible. I used to think that was a good thing. Now I do not.
I also realised that the main reason I logged into Facebook was not to check up on other people, but to check up on myself. Had my status been liked? What photos had I been tagged in? Which events was I invited to? Facebook was not really about others, it was about me. It encouraged me to navel-gaze far too much. At times I felt like it was an anti-social network. Whenever I did look through other peoples’ profiles the emotions were often negative: jealousy, lust, disgust and sometimes horror. These things I want to experience less, not more.
What amazes me most about Facebook is how it has changed the way people think. I have genuinely overheard someone say: ‘Get a sick photo for Facebook!!!’ on a night out - I was that person. I was that idiot. Since leaving Facebook I have caught myself thinking: ‘I wonder how this will look on Facebook?’ - those thoughts are slowly subsiding.
I think Facebook's mission, to get everyone to relentlessly share everything with everyone goes too far. Life is about curating, about choosing, about doing millions of opportunity-cost calculations and picking what you want and rejecting what you do not. Friendships take blood, sweat and tears to maintain. They take time, they take work, they take effort on both sides. They are not easy but that is what makes them so great. For me, finding a group of real friends is about sifting through the thousands of people I meet and clutching onto a precious few who bring out my best side and who will be there when the chips are down. Every hour I sink into browsing the updates of people I do not really care about could be spent having a conversation someone I love. Facebook allowed me to attach meaningless digital tendrils to hundreds people and keep semi-acquaintances on life-support. I used to spend a ridiculous of time scrolling through these acquaintances' status-updates. That had to stop.
I like Twitter for two reasons:
1.) I know it is public - When I used Facebook I could never figure out whether I had checked the right tick-boxes or slid the right sliders or placed the right people into the right lists and so I was always wondering who could see what. At times that could make me paranoid and scared - especially when I was tagged in some annoying photos. With Twitter I know that everything is public and I shape my tweets accordingly. There is no confusion.
2.) It reflects the true asymmetry of human relationships - In the real world some people are ‘liked" or ‘followed’ more than others. When somebody follows me on Twitter who I am not particularly interested in I do not feel compelled to follow them back. With Facebook I felt so worried about rejecting friendship requests that I always accepted.
Another thing that really scared me about Facebook: it had become my address book. It took two weeks' work to get the Skype-names, email-addresses and home-addresses of some of my closest friends and greatest acquaintances - that is awful.
I think socialising through technology is great. Skype, email, SMS and phone-calls all share one commonality: they are, at their core, services that facilitate one-to-one or one-to-few communication. That is how real social interaction happen. They happen two people or just a few more. Somewhere between a pair of people and a body of a thousand, groups form; people coalesce; people choose who they like to spend time with and do so. I like choosing.
Anyway, the biggest thing I have realised since leaving Facebook is this: leaving Facebook was not a big deal.
PS - If you would like to follow me on Twitter I am: http://www.twitter.com/ricburton ;)