Maybe trusting OP's lived experience is the best path here. This is the kind of thing that someone is only going to conclude for themselves. So I don't think you're doing anyone any favors by saying/asking something like this.
Never trust anyone's lived experience, ever. Everybody lies, especially to themselves. Everyone's opinion of their own life is a lie they tell themselves to sleep at night. No one is the bad guy of their own experience.
If you can't trust lived experience, what can you trust?