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Comment by rtlfe | Hacker News Reader

> never use profanity (even saying 'crap' was very infrequent)

Why does this matter?

From my experience they learn from the older kids as soon as they start school. At least in my culture. My daughter came home saying "shit what the fuck" (in English, despite English not being the native tongue of the locality) one day. And now she will curse like a pirate when she hurts herself. But she already knows they are words that people attach special meaning to: she avoids them when "not needed", for example. Except when she wants a reaction, which she never gets from me at least.

We don't use many such strong words ourselves, but like with many things she learned on her own in the cultural melting pot that is public school.

Just my own observation, but all the kids I remember that cursed a lot weren't very good at English. Not sure if it is correlation or causation, but who needs to find the right word to express yourself, when "fuck" or "shit" almost certainly fit the bill?

Maybe people who curse poetically are even better at English than non-cursers, but that probably comes with age and isn't relevant to advice about children.

My anecdata is similar, but rather: the little kids I know who curse a lot and openly, have terrible manners overall. Talking nasty to grownups (and other kids), etc.

Our society tends to reward people that curse infrequently?

It's more about having self respect. Why use the same language as drunken sailors and criminals?

> Why use the same language as drunken sailors and criminals?

Aside from hate speech, I honestly don't care what kind of language my kid uses. But I'd be pretty disappointed if they reduced groups of people into negative stereotypes like this.

Indeed. Some sailors are amongst the greatest people I've met. And their language was salty.

Language is communication. Context is important. You don't bust into a church or interview swearing loudly. You don't try to communicate every thought with a curse word.

But fuck it, they are handy sometimes.

If this is ironic this is a pretty funny joke, and if this isn't ironic this is even funnier.

I’ve met enough rich people to know that certainly is not true.

No it doesn't. It rewards people with the social skills to know when it's acceptable to use certain words that aren't acceptable in other contexts. But that's just a part of 'society rewards people with high levels of social skills'. If your experience has been that successful people (i.e., 'people who were rewarded by society') don't swear, then your experience has been very different from mine.

I’d say the frequent use of foul language is highly correlated with other modes of anti-social behavior.

At the end of the day rude people are inconsiderate people, if you’re not thinking about how your behavior effects others…

Do you want your child growing up to be foul-mouthed?

Who cares? As long as someone can shut it off when needed (e.g. at work) this is something that does not matter at all.

Maybe his point isn't that cursing is bad, but that you should set an example for proper manners. Like, the language they should use when talking with schoolteachers, at work, etc.

That's my household: they'll hear plenty of salt when we play Jay-Z or Run The Jewels around the house, and it's no big deal if they cuss while telling us about their day, but we'd never tell them to "Pick up the fucking dishes."

One of the jobs of parenting is teaching social norms. Children don’t instinctively know them.

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