With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.
The truth is that taking kids to the park can feel like even MORE of a chore when it's your own kids, because you've had to do it every week, it has no novelty, and you would love just a few hours to yourself instead because you're a parent and you don't get much of that.
The reason it's still better when it's your kids, though, is that it's an investment. Kids are a lifelong relationship. They outlive you. All that time you spend with them starts paying interest and dividends, the same as it does when you spend time with other people you love and spend time with.
My oldest is 12 now and she's funny, insightful, and one of my favorite people to be with. The years I invested in reading and parks with her in the early years are being paid back with hours spent talking about our favorite books and going outdoors together. It's worth it.
Pre-kid me was far more patient, far more kind, far more generous, far more empathetic, and all around a much more pleasant and well rounded person.
Yes, of course. It’s not likely magic, more millions of years of evolutionary biology.
But boy it feels like magic.
(FWIW, I’m also someone who enjoys long stretches of alone time. Still get to do it, if somewhat less frequently. Still enjoy it.)
I have four kids under eight years old. I often feel like I'm just trying to kill the hours until they nap or go to bed, when I can finally have some quiet time alone. I feel very guilty about this whenever I'm reminded that this should be the best chapter of life with my kids, and it'll fly by, and I'll miss it when it's gone. I'm not saying that I don't have moments when I gaze at my kids in awe and feel full of love (which does seem to be different when they're _your_ kids)... I'm just usually exhausted and need more alone time, as an introvert, to recharge.
The article is right that "When kids are outside for lengthy periods of time they become engaged, contemplative, calm and happy. In other words, they don't drive you bonkers!" If we're inside our house, they fight and scream and cry and make a mess and break things and never leave me alone. If I take them outside, they can spread out and explore and the house stays intact (so I don't have to clean / fix it later). Sometimes at the park I can even read something or listen to a podcast / audiobook while they play.
However, the older they get the less boring they are and I assume at some point I will get more out of the relationship.
But I had the children so I gotta deal with what that entails and I'm comfortable with that. I went into this very willingly.
But I absolutely have no judgement against people who don't want to have children... It might not be for you, I don't have any magical emotion that makes it less work, and there are many, many things I'd rather be doing.
I have a 7 year old and two 4 year olds, and we: play video games, watch movies, go for hikes, climb trees, go swimming, play various sports, play dnd, play board games, and paint warhammer miniatures together.
And even still doing 3-5 years of very hard parenting work to get to that is a lot... And I didn't even carry the children which is another year of very hard work!
I'm not saying that I'm not happy with my decision to have children, but if I didn't really want to have them this would be rough.
I'm someone who needs alone time, and it's really hard for me at times, but their wellbeing impacts my wellbeing more than my wellbeing does, they sorta naturally became my #1 priority in life, so anything but taking care of them to the best of my ability simply doesn't make sense to me.
I definitely like having my own space and at least with one kid, I'm still getting plenty of it. But the time I spend with her is incredibly rewarding (most of the time ;)
It’s not a chore it’s a necessity. They are such a joy sometimes it’s unbelievable so you just grind it out. The lack of sleep is my least favorite part with the babies but it’s not so bad.
:P
It wasn't enjoyable from the get go. But with time we started forming a bond and having our own little habits.
Bottom line is initially you don't know this person so it's hard to expect from you to automatically have a great time. But as a child develops they become more interesting overall.
It’s night and day difference between looking after someone else’s kid and my own.
I guess it’s the sense of responsibility that you are the main caregiver and how your kid turns out is pretty much up to you and your partner.