Comment by ProfessorLayton | Hacker News Reader

Comment by ProfessorLayton | Hacker News Reader

ProfessorLayton

A huge asterisk here is that this varies greatly by culture. For better or worse* certain cultures value strong family bonds and time spent with the parents, as well as bilateral support well into adulthood. Many cultures also encourage multigenerational living within a single household (or in extremely close proximity like my parents did).

For example, my parents were happy to have me live at home as long as I wanted, and in fact encouraged me to stay so I could save up. Ideally in their eyes I wouldn't even move out until I was married. In my parent's culture, I'm not seen as a loser or a burden because I'm living with them as an adult, only if I wasn't contributing to the family's prosperity. Of course I wanted to live my own life sooner than that, but that doesn't mean I left as soon as I was 18.

Because of these strong family ties I live within minutes of my parents, and still make sure to visit often, even if it's just for dinner.

*Where this can breakdown is if one does not fit neatly within the boundaries and expectations set by cultural norms.

Yes! American, Anglo-Saxon culture while widespread is not the norm.

There is such thing as Inter-generational living.

You often see advice on the internet: Why are you 20 and still living with your parents, you're a loser.

You're 30 still living with your parents, you won't amount to anything.

Yeah right!!!

Meanwhile they leave alone with a dog,

- need a ton of additional psychotherapy to stay sane.

- Need to setup appointments to see their own parents

No thanks.

> Meanwhile they leave alone with a dog, > - need a ton of additional psychotherapy to stay sane. > - Need to setup appointments to see their own parents

OTOH it's very far from being common.

> There is such thing as Inter-generational living

I'm neither American nor Anglo-Saxon, but yes, there is such thing as living hell.

Your mileage may vary. It's not inter-generational but I (31 years) live in a house with my brother (26 years) and sister (25 years) live in a house we own together all with our own respective partners, etc. It's not for everyone but I promise you this. We ain't lonely. lol.

To be fair, that is hardly inter generational.

For sure, I just mean, nuclear families aren't the only option that is enjoyable to live with.

My mom lived with us until she found a husband. It has some negatives, but I think it's handedly beaten by the positives if you enjoy your family's company.

How soundproof are your walls?

And how many names are on the deed of this house? Assuming 6 names, what happens if a divorce were to occur?

> Meanwhile they leave alone with a dog

“But I contradict myself”

It honestly makes me so sad to see how people judge each other for living with their parents. I often read/contribute to r/PersonalFinance on Reddit the most common attitude there seems to be that people living with their pares stealing free rent.

Why is it so hard for people to believe that someone might just love their family and wish to spend a significant portion of their adult life enjoying and nurturing those relationships?

Agreed it's no one's place to judge someone without knowing anything about their situation.

In saying that, where I come from in Australia it's extremely normal to spend early 20s in the family home, and I was usually the one encouraging my friends to get out. Not that there was something wrong with their families, but at least in this culture, I could see my friends living in unhappy bubbles, surrounded by the same family/friends they'd been around since they were kids, feeling trapped.

In those cases, getting out (different city, different country, at least different house) can be the best thing for people's personal development and even mental healths.

My point is just that it can go both ways depending on the specific situation.

>You're 30 still living with your parents, you won't amount to anything.

More like, fail to achieve cultural expectations, "you won't amount to anything."

The average guy living at home at 30 in USA is probably not as geared towards success as the average person living at home at 30 in a country where something else is the measure of success. There are exceptions but people who meet their own countries standards tends to correlate with overall life success.

Clearly you can buck the cultural expectations and succeed, so it's not a hard and fast rule. Of course, some cultural expectations are more difficult to overcome than others: if you piss publicly next to the highway it could earn you a felony charge and torpedo your career, even though there's no practical reason why pissing by the side of the road should make you a lifelong failure.

OTOH some people need the psychologist because they are living with their parents.

OTOH some people need the psychologist because they aren't living with their parents.

:\

Saying "an edge case exists" sounds really helpful to push your viewpoint but if you can just put "not" in the sentence and it's still just as true... what've we gained in the conversation by saying it?

How much did you hang out with them once you were home though? With a < 12 year old, you spend a few hours in the morning + from like 5:30 pm until bedtime on weekdays, and then the entire weekend, with your kid. I lived at home for some time. I spent an hour maximum per day with my dad, including on weekends.

I lived with my ex-partner and her parents for a while, and the family would spend most of their time at home together. Easily 6+ hours per day during the week, and most of the weekend time.

Is this "spending time" or physically in the same building?

I was home "with my family" for 6+ hours but we were definitely not interacting with each other outside of meals. I was on my computer, siblings on tv, others doing random stuff. Nothing unreasonable at all.

The article is trying to point out about quality time not just physically in the presence of each other.

Like actually spending quality time together. Cooking together, eating together, talking, sometimes playing games or watching TV or a movie. After dinner we’d typically just sit around drinking tea together.

Impressive! Not many families are built as such.

I used to spend hours a day playing Call of Duty with my dad over college breaks. Good times.

Whoa. My siblings and I were in and out of my family house throughout our 20s. Hell, during COVID a bunch of us moved back in in our 30s, kids in tow.

And we spend HOURS per day with our parents when living at home, even when teens. Evenings were hanging out as a family usually, whether that meant reading in the same room, watching movies, playing board games, whatever. All during the evening when they got home from work.

Heck, family dinner alone is an hour a day.

Yes I am living with my parents continuosly for the past 24 years. Does that mean they have consumed 100% of their time living with me? I hope not

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