Nocoa, the world’s first 100% cocoa-free chocolate

Why do these websites always play coy with the details? "It's chocolate, but made from natural, local ingredients, like oats!" Okay, great, and...what else? "Natural things! Like gently roasted and fermented oats, made locally and naturally and organically." Great, so what are the ingredients? "No time, we need to paste more big pictures of actual chocolate!"

Same thing with some of these FAQ questions. "Does Nocoa take away from cocoa farmers? Well, <bullshit nonanswer>, but climate change will also hurt them, sorry, also AFFECT them." Why would you ask yourself a question that you don't actually want to answer?

I get migraines from chocolate, but the rest of my household loves it. I welcome more chocolate substitutes!

No, it's not the first cocoa-free chocolate.

Without cocoa, it is not chocolate. And it is not the first fake chocolate, either -- carob fake-chocolate has existed for a pretty long time.

It’s made from oats and other plants. How is that kinder to the planet than growing cocoa?

Especially considering that places that grow cocoa are usually not great for growing oats.

How is something which wouldn't exist without the help of food scientists, and possibly microbiologists, "100% natural"?

If you take the nicotine out of tobacco, nobody will smoke it. If you take the sugar out of chocolate, nobody will eat it.

Is this a joke?