This was very much my experience with my Mom’s brain tumor.
While I can’t say my Mom’s regular cancer doctors gave up too soon (we had an amazing surgeon, as well as an oncologist that helped fight until the final stand) - it was amazing how few voices actually encouraged her to fight.
She was diagnosed late stage, with. 6-month or less prognosis.
From the moment she was diagnosed, she had a literal line-up of nurses, general doctors, and social workers incessantly reminding her how poor her outlook was, and that “there’s no shame in giving up”.
Seriously, it was relentless how often they would come into her room, put on a somber voice, and say “You know the outlook on these things isn’t very long, and we don’t have good treatments for it.”
I will never forget those first few days in the hospital when she was diagnosed and awaiting surgery. The demoralized look on her face. The incongruousness of being asked to concede a battle you didn’t even know you were in until days or hours ago.
It was only a couple of acquaintances who themselves “beat the odds” that finally gave her the other perspective.
Her eventual oncologist also had the right attitude - a healthy balance of positivity and being realistic.
But that was not the norm, particularly among medical professionals. She ended up eventually passing away after about 5 years - 4.5 years longer than expected. Amazing years that we had together, yes with good days and bad days, but days we had together.
And fwiw, I did everything I could to make sure she wasn’t sticking around just for me or for family. She loved life, she wanted to fight as long as she could still enjoy life, and I cannot tell you how terribly set back she was every time she’d encounter a nurse that would look at her like she was a dead person walking, or when she’d get the “no shame in giving up” speech. But the rare voice that gave her (realistic) hope and positivity was an absolute Godsend.
There is a balance to be had here. Prolonging suffering isn’t right, but neither is the reactionary response in recent years to virtually encourage anyone with a terminal illness to immediately give up.