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Comment by THENATHE | Hacker News Reader

I wish I had asked my dad more things and recorded/wrote them down.

My old man is in for stage 4 cancer and it gets harder to ask him things. Every little tidbit of info he gave me over the years I cherish greatly, but I often times (read: nearly always) forget the context or nuance of the statement, meaning that, of the thousands of moments I’ve had with him, only a select few are ones that provide me any insight into who he is/was and/or advice for my life. The rest are just passing thoughts that make me think “damn my dad was cool”, which is good in its own regard, but certainly not the same.

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My dad started writing me letters after major life events and birthdays, on new years, etc... I save them all.

They boil down to advice like being grateful for what you have, looking back and being proud at what you’ve accomplished, valuing the people in your life especially those that take time to help you, and realizing how lucky you are and at the same time encouraging working to put yourself in positions where you make your own luck.

They seem to come at the right time, after I have a phone conversation when I tell him I’ve failed at something or am frustrated with someone.

It’s less about him and more about me but it helps me remember the kind of man he was, one of the greats.

Forget nuance, what I would have given for one meaningful moment from my largely aloof old man. You are lucky to have that relationship in ways you'll never know.

Either way, sorry to hear about his condition.

I feel for you.

My dad died earlier this year from prostate cancer. I wish deeply that I had spent more time with him, listened more closely to him. I lay awake every night thinking about lost opportunities I had during my life, moments when I chose to do anything other than just hang out with him.

You have a hard road ahead, I hope you have a support network filled with people who love you. I am a loner with no support network outside of my family and it has been fucking hard.

I'm sorry to hear and I wish you and your dad the best. Hope you find peace and those moments in your head prove to be a forever lasting memory of a wonderful man.

I don't know if it's any consolation, and I'm sure you've considered this, but it's impossible to remember and perfectly grasp the nuance of every moment spent with anyone. There's an inevitable loss, not just of the physical person, but the depth of their impact in your life. This is part of the nostalgia and sadness and joy of remembering loved ones.

I hope you and your dad are both doing well.

Im seriously considering asking my father to sit down with me and record all his stories I loved to hear growing up. I am not sure why, but I feel "uncomfortable" in some ways asking it. I know I will regret it one day when I am older and his gone, but I struggle to find the courage to ask for some reason.

If I could offer you one piece of advice: if/while you still have time with him, thank your Dad for everything he's done for you.

I was with my Dad in his final hours, but it wasn't until after he'd passed that it occurred to me to thank him, and it still upsets me 3 years later.

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