My takeaway is this: If you want to meet your significant other, attend a university. After university your chances will dwindle down as you won't frequent that big come together place any more.
Most most introverted people tend to do though (myself included), is attending less social events as they become older. But you can still force yourself out there and meet people based on your hobbies.
And who knows, maybe you meet your significant other at one of those events for your favorite hobby?
Many of my neighbors go to church and I'm very jealous at how much social capital it provides every single week for essentially free.
It's such a shame that something so good is wrapped in something so silly.
For instance, replace God and Jesus with the Superego and Id respectively. You'd be surprised at how much sense some quotes make.
But religion is so vague, it's almost mad-lib. And some parts will still be complete nonsense or primitive statecraft memes.
Sharing this with other church-goers might not be well received, also.
However, in contrast, my fiance is from Peru and goes to a Latin Church; there you have a very strong sense of community and can meet plenty of people. Also, you probably won't be meeting your SO at the Church directly but you will most likely be introduced _through_ someone from the community (especially older people who have bigger families).
The other thing about religious communities is that "dating" is not about hookups or casual sex but more about about finding life long partners and marriage. This can be a blessing or a curse depending on what stage of life you are in (though if you are truly devout, you won't mind) so it's not perfect.
Anyway, for non religious people, there are still plenty of ways to meet: Volunteering programs, social clubs, sport centers, etc.
The only advice I would give is meet as many people as possible because chances are your potential partner will be introduced to you through friends of friends eventually.
He was old, early 80s (since retired and passed on) and said he had been asking his patients that his whole career, and had been keeping track.
I met my wife at a bar. Now, this was pre-smart-phone era, I will grant you that.
He said that a little more than 80% of his patients met their spouse at a bar. He said every time he heard someone say "You need to go to church", "you need to volunteer", or any other thing like that, he would interject that no, you need to go out drinking and carousing with friends. And always with friends. Apparently, out drinking and carousing alone is not nearly as effective.
You will have to accept the word of dead physician from the 1990s on that. Post 2008, the numbers have likely shifted.
But I still recommend drinking and carousing with friends. (That doesn't mean heavy drinking, you don't have to get plastered to carouse)
Of course, this is anecdotal and based on myself and my friends. But just as a counterpoint to your "go to university" advice =)
I have had several relationships where at the time I would have called the person my significant other but in retrospect there have only been 2 that have truly been significant to my life. I met my wife at a bar. A few years after she passed, I met my now girlfriend of 12 years at a farmers market where she was selling pickles and kimchi.
I had a primary care physician in the late 1990s that had been polling his patients on that his whole career, and said that a little more than 80% of his patients met at a bar. So there you go.
I also agree with your assessment on partners, I have had a couple that were important at the time, but looking back, where more like friends with benefits. Only two were really significant. One that tortured me emotionally and basically set me up for over sensitive warning flags for about five years, what a mess. The other one I married over 25 years ago.
Most men still need to find a partner through other means like cold approach (terrible - it’s highly dependent on looks just like Tinder) or through warm approach (friends of friends, hobbies, social groups, etc. - this is where most average men meet their partners).
The issue now is the growing number of single men. This number keeps going up every year and it doesn’t look to be improving. It’s definitely leading to some not-so-great side effects. (The number of single women is growing more slowly)
How is this possible, outside of gender imbalance or imbalanced matching (i.e. one man in a relationship with multiple women)?
First, do you have any sources? Most (Western culture) highly-educated women that I know use online dating apps.
Second, as I understand, a major issue about dating with highly-educated people: Women (almost) always want to meet same socio-economic status or above. Dear HN readers: Read that last sentence mathematically: Greater than or equal (>=)! As women are quickly holding more than 50% of highly educated jobs (economically practical masters degrees and above), this creates a huge mismatch. See: Medicine, science, finance, technology jobs. (Commentary: By 2030/40/50, I feel a huge portion of medicine will be women. Great!)
Real-world example: If a man is a public pre-school or elementary school teacher (middle to lower income), his chances to meet a high-income woman are very low in 2022.
On the contrary, many (Western culture) men are happy to meet / date / marry women whom have (far) lower socio-economic status. "Sexy, not smart." In the classic (out-dated) cultural view, this is "big (male) boss" dates/marries low socio-economic status executive assistant ("secretary"). I have observed this is quickly coming to an end in the last twenty years.
Real questions:
(1) Whom are high-income male bosses dating these days? I assume: High-income women whom are breaking the glass ceiling for senior roles. (Great! I support these women 152%!) Or: These men date younger (and younger!). I have observed both in my professional career.
(2) Whom are low-income/-education female executive assistants dating these days? I assume they are mostly single. Why? They want to meet high-income men, but these men are more-and-more focused on other (still rare!) high-income women(!).
Final comment that is very (deeply!) personal: If you are not alpha-male or very high income, it is difficult to meet highly-educated women. Basically, they are "vaccuumed/Hoovered" (sorry: American English slang!) by other high-income/status or alpha men. It is so tough. Please, please, do not read this final paragraph as discriminatory against women whom choose these men. Dating is complex! Personally, my dream is to meet someone who is a science researcher (academic) with a low salary, but passionate about their work. Lots to talk about!
Last: Please, please don't read any of this post as something negative towards women. No, exactly the opposite. I am more interested in how wealthly, highly-educated societies will rebalance when women hold more than 50% of educated positions (very soon in rich countries!). In my view, it is terrific that women finally have equal opportunity in my society. My mother never had these opportunities, but her daughters will finally have the chance for economic equality. Huzzah.
High income women end up marrying their college partners. A lot of these gals meet their partner in college and never separate. That's how I see it for the majority of women I've known in SV. Exceptions being those who didn't go to college and weren't going to pursue a high income profession (or were but bailed on it) but inevitably chose it later.
It's hard to meet these women because they are few in percentage and like most women - they don't go out to meet men. They might use dating apps, they might date a coworker, they might date someone in their social circle. So, you're not likely gonna meet them organically at a hobby or anything.
It's a rough world for men out there.