Taking a Break

Kudos to the author for being honest with their struggles being a parent and a full-time employee. I've encountered similar struggles, especially during hard times (major health issues with my wife, specifically) that ended with me being forced out of a position and company I had been with for 10+ years.

It was a difficult, dark time, that's still resolving itself. Having gone through that experience, you question whether you still have the ability to focus as you once did. That, plus the obvious changes that come as you get older, has been difficult to grapple with.

Thankfully, I am now at a company with decent work/life balance and very understanding team. I still suffer from a sort of PTSD, though, where I am always doubting whether the kind words I receive from co-workers and managers are just window dressing and wondering when the other shoe will drop.

If OP is here, just know that you aren't alone. I hope you find peace and enjoy this time with your kids.

I know I’m going to get downvoted and some people will find this comment bitter, but all this applies only if you’ve got money around. Good for him and his family. I’m not jealous, just stating the fact that he’s fortunate to be able to take a break.

Many people need a work break or a sabbatical, to avoid burnout and/or to help the family, but what can you do when you have expenses running and you’re not lucky (or brave/talented/capable) enough to have a high paying job like our colleagues in US?

This might apply to some “top” countries where software engineers have enough money to afford the luxury of a break, but try doing the same while living in any other country on an average salary :-(

Not all of HN readers are from US or with a 6-7 figure salary ;-)

> . I've been really struggling as a new parent with how to manage parent responsibilities, my job, and still make time for my own goals

To the author, parenting is hard, really really hard especially when they are young. Though it may look like other are able to handle things. trust me they are going through the same problems as you are . So take it easy on you and give yourself a big pat in the back for what you have so far done as a parent.

Trust me you are doing great and looking back you would cherish all that you have done.

\from a parent of 2 young kids.

To quit days before the Adobe acquisition has to be a big moment of reflection. I'm curious what the author will be up to in their period of walkabout. Wishing them and their new family the best, I hope it leads them where they're trying to go.

For context, author wrote the Linux port of Google Chrome in the early days. I have a feeling this will be time well spent.

I would love to hear more about this part:

> For one example: when interviewing it didn’t even occur to me to ask if the company used email, though of course the answer to that question has big cultural implications.

Everything is much easier with decent support network (grandparents, family, friends) that can help. Lacking that, things are much harder.

"I could not have done it without our family and their support!" is not without reason.

I took a break for about 2 years spanning the time leading up to and right after my second son was born. It happened somewhat naturally, because I exited a startup and needed to move geographically for family reasons. I did some consulting and still owned 2 businesses during that time, but it all added up to far less than full time. That time ended up being great for figuring out what I really wanted to do later when I had more time and mental energy to focus. It also was great for my relationships with my family, especially my sons.

I think it’s somewhat socially acceptable for women to do this. I wish it were seen as more acceptable, and also as a viable option for men. I see a lot of new dads struggling. The options seem to be either semi check out of family life or semi check out of work while they struggle through at low capacity. Taking a break can be a nicer option if your career gives you a good natural break point.

I have the same thing happening just after I became a parent. I think I was not ready for that and it resulted in great turbulence in my work life. I changed 3 jobs in < 3 years and decided to go into game dev, with very little knowledge or talent in it and now I work to get back into my normal line of work. It was a regression to a younger self, but reality is different. I dropped a job that got me 6 times the salary of anyone I know and took a break. Now I am two months into that break and want a normal job and life. Maybe I am depressed because usually I like to challenge myself, but now I don’t have the strength and will keep a more steady life.

I am in the same exact boat.

Just completely burnt out and putting myself first.

I've had something similar happen to me twice since the pandemic after a long very successful career. Not sure what's causing me to burn out since with wfh I should theoretically have more time and better wlb.

Being a new parent is tough. If the author is reading this, don't be too hard on yourself. I've got two teenagers, and I remember when they were babies. There wasn't much sleep :-)

I work ~70 hours a week with 2 young kids.

- Wife gave up career (for now) and is a stay-at-home-mom

- Remote-only job

- Schedule is 9am-530pm, 9pm-2am, Sunday night through Friday at 530pm. From Friday night through Sunday at 9pm I usually don't work.

My children are home around 530 and asleep before 10, and weekends are all for them, so basically I work most of my free time. I am highly dedicated to my work.

It is a somewhat monastic existence, but things were getting easier until we had the second child. Kids are a sacrifice - view the early years as an investment. Children are the OG startup, after all.