That's a really powerful self-discovery. Obviously some people are more introverted than others, but introversion has more to do with how we handle (over)stimulation than it does desire for social connection and acceptance. Humans are incredibly social creatures by nature. Even the most introverted people usually want connection.

thanks for sharing, it's nice to see personal insight about something not related to work here.

A good thought experiment here would be: If you were magically assured that the other people would be thrilled to be around you, find all your jokes funny, etc (fill in your own fantasies), would you still want to be alone?

That distinguishes between "I truly want to be alone" and "I want to be alone because I am not the person I wish I were".

That's a useful realization. I have come to similar realization for myself in recent years. In case it is useful to others who might see this, I have found it useful to explore this dynamic in myself through the framework of avoidant attachment styles. There are some helpful resources and supportive communities available online for people wanting to find happier/healthier ways of navigating their attachment style. In particular there are a couple of avoidance focused subreddits that I've found supportive and they keep a list of links to other resources that many find helpful.

In my case, I used to want to be in a relationship, but with age the prospect lost all appeal, and people ceased being interesting to me in that way at all. I never get the thoughts "oh, this person is really nice, I wonder whether I should ask them out on a date" anymore. I do however value normal friends a lot more than I used to. Still I need space even from friends. My life wouldn't be as enjoyable without the solitary mountain hikes and shooting photos of animals for hours alone.