Ask HN: How to Deal with Being Unlikeable

6 people didn't ignore you, they didn't get your reference. However, the fact that you interpret it personally tells me that you are lacking in self-confidence. People are attracted to positivity and repelled by self-doubt.

> Example, I referenced 'the paperclip maximizer' when someone asked about useless startup ideas during a game, there was no response from the group, basically 6 people ignored the statement i just mentioned.

After seeing that they didn't get the reference, did you actually explain it to them?

Sounding different is a big deal, and for some reason I remember a scene in an hbo series where one of the characters had an audio-how-to-tape of doing a cajun accent for actors..

I am often blown away when I learn an actor is doing an X accent for a series when they are from continent Y and when you hear them speak at an event they have a totally different accent. eg https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=rick+gr...

I don't know exactly what you mean when you are saying when you say look and sound different..

I can say that my level of exhaustion with trying to parse what people are saying and what they are meaning when hearing accents from various parts of the world is a thing.

Pre-internet life had me only engaging with tough to understand accents on occasion, and so I did not mind spending time trying to hear then understand what is meant by someone when I ran into issues (and to ask for interpreter when I could not get it (remembering you, bayou of Louisiana gas station attendants)

Yet today I have so many phone calls and tutorial videos and such coming at me with accents that are so hard to understand - it slows my thinking and requires an immense amount of energy to get through a couple of paragraphs - I do generally give up and try to find another source of info that is easier to understand.

This is something that weighs heavily on decision making, who to work with, who to learn from, and more actually.

I think it is something that can be learned and practiced and gotten better at, thought I have no idea of the best resources.. if you feel you want to have smoother relationships with folks from another part of the world, but I have no idea how hard / easy it may be.

2 cents of random thoughts without specifics.

> I remember a scene in an hbo series where one of the characters had an audio-how-to-tape of doing a cajun accent for actors

True Blood

I think that at a networking event 1-2 minute conversations are normal so this isn't a sign you are doing something wrong

I would recommend reading the ridiculously old book, 'How to win friends and influence people'. I have heard about this book for years but always assumed it was smarmy and out of date. I recently read it, and while it was definitely written in another era, it is still a great meditation on how to be a better human being.

I also recommend "We need to talk" (Celeste Headlee). I'm sure there are many others. It sounds silly, but getting along with others is a skill that we have to sometimes think consciously about.

Another tip that I think works for me: Read it out loud to yourself. Maybe carve out 20-30 mins each morning. Part of talking to people is talking out loud and becoming comfortable using words we aren't used to using.

Having said all that, I'm not someone who should be dispensing advice on this subject. I'm a bit of an introvert myself. :-)

Sir just hone your emotional intelligence, its a muscle you can get good at.

How to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie.

Emotional intelligence by daniel goleman.

How to split the difference by chris voss.

There is a lot of nuances in social interactions, honing that side of you takes time and practice. Lots of practice.

At this point i dont care it people dont like me, because im for some but not for everyone. what I care about is how i understand them, how i relate to them, how i make them feel, how i listen to them, such and such.

It's not about you being unlikeable at all, it's about them not being your crowd.

Tbh, people meeting to find a co-founder with the motive of building a company/making money might not be the best place to meet people similar to you. Your best bet is to look for people/groups that share the same hobbies/interests as you.

If you can't share a laugh with them, why trust/share a business with them?

I've found that most of the time, unless you don't shower, perceptions are merely internalized terror, rather than external truth.

If you struggle to present then the only thing you really need is practice. There is also something to be said about the skill to move through awkward pauses and unexpected reactions. I always use very light self-deprecating humor which is always good for a chuckle from most and it breaks the tension when the room is not going your way.

And that might be it. There's too much ice. Break it with humor and don't take things personally. Every person is weird in their own way.

First of all, you don't need to be likeable by dozens of people in order to be a founder. In fact most founders are not likeable.

Second, even if you are generally likeable, you cannot engage everyone in the audience from a stage.

Third, if you want to find be a co-founder, identify specific people with missions you care about and spend a lot of time brainstorming the problem and potential solutions and get a sense for their intelligence, energy, and integrity before you sign up for building a company with them which can take years and has a very low probability of success.

To me it sounds like those founders dont qualify for your co founding. Probably the best hack is to filter them out.

Curious since you mention culture, can you elaborate a bit on this? Are you referring to nationality? Similarly what do you mean by visually blending?

I don't get it - What is a paperclip maximizer?

The closest thing IRL is Bitcoin mining.

Now imagine an unstoppable Bitcoin mining done by our robot overlords using everything and everyone including Humans as fuel to generate electricity to power Bitcoin mining farms ...

It looks like you are bending metal. Do you want some help?